“Soulja Boy off in dis hoe! Watch me Crank dat Soulja Boy, then Superman dat hoe!”
That is the infamous “hook” (as in from the Billboard, chart-topping, number one song, “Crank Dat Soulja Boy” by none other than, “I don’t know how long his star will shine”, rapper, Soulja Boy. As popular as the drivel is, it was just as benign to my senses, until I heard an old man and a young girl argue it’s merits. I had pulled into a pharmacy parking lot next to a car occupied by a young lady, who was I guess awaiting a shopper’s return. She was doing what kids do and that’s playing music loudly. The melodic, Pro-Tools enhanced, whining of Marques Houston cut the air like a rusty paring knife. I proceeded inside. I returned to hear the aforementioned “Crank That” song playing loudly and the young lady debating an old man about the phrase, “Superman dat hoe!”. I immediately understood his argument or so I thought, because a young lady just shouldn’t be happily using a word like “ho” that demeans her whole being as a woman. No, it went much deeper as the man expounded on how he “reads it on the World Wides Web”. While I smirked at his annunciation, I than took my time getting into my car as I eavesdropped on their conversation/debate as he further explained “I know 'supermanning' means for a boy to jerk off and put it on your back”. Appalled, at this point, is the only reaction that I could give upon hearing this. The young lady continued on that Soulja Boy didn’t mean the phrase in that manner in the clean version of the song and that Soulja meant it like he was referring to the ubiquitous hero, Superman. Well, I know I shouldn’t assume, but I don’t think Jor-El, comic book artist, Joe Shuster or the people at DC Comics ever thought the word Superman would be used in this manner. Mind you, I’m still reeling back from discovering this horrendous, definition of “Superman”. The man argued that “his music” was ‘good, wholesome” music, like the Jackson 5 and Steely Dan and I had to agree with him. That was some great music and it didn’t really objectify or offend anyone. While I was stunned by this elderly man’s varied, musical tastes, I also realized that my clandestine eavesdropping had been found out, as these two, music pundits were now looking me dead in my grill. I gave them the affable head nod and drove away in my car. But I could not get “superman”, Steely Dan and the J-5 off my mind, so I as soon as I got home I did an internet search on the term “superman, slang”. Up pops an urban dictionary and the official definition was, “a guy cums on a girl's back, as she sleeps and puts a ‘sheet’ on her back. When she wakes in the morning and the ‘sheet’ is stuck to her back, creating the appearance of a cape. At this point, you have officially ‘supermanned’ that hoe."
You can close your mouth now. I was just as shocked. You do have your doubts, hearing this from some possibly dementia-laden, geriatric, but when you find numerous “urban” and “slang” dictionaries confirming the meaning— well, you get it, I was shocked to say the least. I was like a hip-hop Columbus, I was just going to the store for some anti-freeze and a bag of Funyuns and I run into this filthy phrase that is innocently chanted (or maybe not) by millions daily. Don’t get me wrong and put me on the shelf, with old 45’s and 12 inch remixes, but daaaaaaayuuuum!!!!! I grew up on NWA, but that stuff was heard in the clubs or in the streets. This “superman” stuff is usually being heard daily, by the kids, who really don’t have the guidance to process this sh** and not take it as life itself, like the young lady, who was all of probably 14 years old defending the artist (and I use that term lightly) Soulja Boy. After my ire somewhat settled, I thought back to the elderly man’s mention of the Jackson 5 and Steely Dan. I looked into their lyrics, randomly choosing, “The Love You Save” and “Deacon Blues”, respectively. “The Love You Save” was a schoolyard, cautionary tale of a girl, who was how shall I this say, she free with her affections for the boys. Listen to this passage wailed by a pre-rhinoplasty Michael,
“Isaac Said He Kissed You,
Beneath The Apple Tree
When Benjie Held Your Hand He Felt
E-Lec-Tri-Ci-Tee!
When Alexander Called You
He Said He Rang Your Chimes
Christopher Discovered
Your Way Ahead Of Your Times"
Forgive me for being judgmental, but this young lady is a 3rd grade whore. Originally, this song was written by adults and I’d be one to believe that the lyrics were toned down for the bubblegum soul crowd. I mean if we heard Michael sing:
“Issac said he banged you,
In his Coup D’Ville
Benny got to third base
Under the window sill
When Alexander called you
He said he hit your spot
Christopher became a man
On your mama's old cot”
If he recorded that, I’d be one to believe the J-5 wouldn’t have sold as many records and Michael Jackson might not be the “king of pop”, but just a big nosed fellow working in a Gary, Indiana ratchet, factory.
I must almost comment on the "good and wholesome" Steely Dan’s “Deacon Blues” song lyrics. In recent months, parents’ have expressed concerns with Sean Kingston’s mega-hit song, “Beautiful Girls”, in which he sings that these 'beautiful girls' make you suicidal. Being the responsible artist, Sean changed the lyrics and he should be commended. But I listened to “Blues” closely, which had the following lyrics being sung in the refrain no less,
“I'll learn to work the saxophone
I'll play just what I feel
Drink Scotch whisky all night long
And die behind the wheel
They got a name for the winners in the world
I want a name when I lose
They call Alabama the Crimson Tide
Call me Deacon Blues”
I love the song, but I’ve got to admit, Steely is talking excessive drinking, drunk driving and probably what could be considered borderline depression in these few lyrics. Now I am one to be subjective and pass judgment, but I wish I could tell that old man, I feel you on the ‘superman’ thing, but “your music” wasn’t always screaming “good and wholesome” as he so bluntly proclaimed. As for me, well, up, up and AWAY!!!
Now follow me to freedom!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY POCKET!
“Get your hand out of my pocket!” Those words were echoed in the film “Malcolm X”, by a Nation of Islam member, who was upset with Malcolm X, whose honesty and separation from the Nation seemed to dig into the religious sect’s coffers. It also seems to be the words a certain activist is screaming at a certain Democratic presidential candidate.
Talk show host/author/activist/pundit for black folk, Tavis Smiley has no doubt done good for the black community, via his talk show, his radio show and his many tomes, which can all be purchased on Amazon.com or a bookstore near you. According to the Louisiana lieutenant governor's office, Tavis' "day of service" (where people volunteer in rebuilding efforts) will be the largest in the state of Louisiana, since Huricane Katrina hit and I applaud him for that. But over the past week, Tavis has taken issue with Democratic presidential nominee hopeful, Barack Obama for not attending his annual State of the Black Union. Mr. Smiley feels as a representative of “black folk” (a favorite colloquialism of his) that Mr. Obama not appearing at his State of the Black Union would be a "critical miscalculation". Ironically, Mr. Obama took part in a Democratic presidential debate that Mr. Smiley moderated in 2007 on the campus of Howard University. Mr. Obama also appeared on Mr. Smiley’s public television talk show for thirty minutes. Far be it from me to scratch my head, but between a two-hour debate and half hour of "one on one" time with this man, can Mr. Smiley not get the gist of Mr. Obama’s platform. Because I can't find the "critical miscalculation". Recently on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, Tavis pontificated during his weekly commentary on Joyner's syndicated radio show about “what a free man is” and “his right to question political candidates” and again as I said a "critical miscalculation" for Obama to not attend his annual “rhetoric fest”. Yes, I called it a rhetoric fest, because in my opinion that’s what it is. The State of the Black Union? Smiley gets some above average minds, below average minds with some celebrity and Cornel West (a mind that I highly respect and don’t dare question) to appear on a symposium about the State of Black Union. I hate to paint the Black Union with broad strokes, but it’s fu***d up. A cannibalizing, drug epidemic, an educational system that’s not in decay, but stench-reeking, decomposition and BET (thirty minutes at a time) have contributed to eroding the State of the Black Union. I mean with all these problems, I can’t see what renting an auditorium to have people on a stage talking about problems does for Black America--- did you hear me?! They're just TALKING and not doing a thing.
But let me not digress I'm here to speak about Tavis Smiley and his recent comments towards Barack Obama, who is the first, truly, formidable black candidate for the office of the presidency (and please don't utter Jesse Jackson's name, because his run for the White House was symbolic at best, but never taken seriously by anyone but black people). In the beginning I couldn’t understand why Mr. Smiley took such issue with Obama not appearing at his annual "black" party, until I thought about it, but now I get it. Smiley, while philanthropic is a bottom line, businessman. Any good businessman will tell you that you must know your market and their needs. As the neo-cons found and targeted “NASCAR Dads” in the past presidential elections, Tavis Smiley has found his audience, which I call “MOTOWN/Soul Train Blacks” (patent pending). This would be the black people, who were very young children during Motown’s heyday, teenagers when Soul Train really mattered and they have just enough knowledge of hip-hop to recite Rapper’s Delight and some Run DMC lyrics. They are a solid bunch of people, that recall a day, when Jesse Jackson wasn’t sitting front row at a Tyson fight or reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" on Saturday Night Live. They find the humor in the thought that people call Bill Clinton “the first black president” and in some bizarre way a few of them (NOT ALL OF THEM) believe it. I’ll admit Clinton did a lot for people of color during his two terms as Commander-in-Chief, but he is not a black man. If by some stroke of egregiously, terrible luck, that the slavery of black people was reinstated, I just don’t believe that Slick Willie would be willing to stay out back with the rest of the coloreds and eat scraps from the "big house". Most importantly about MOTOWN/Soul Trainers is that, while holding a tremendous respect for gaining a college education, they also respect the concept of a leader, a black leader to be exact— King, Malcolm X, Adam Clayton Powell— that beacon in the community to proudly lead and for us to follow. Tavis Smiley has picked up that torch, copyrighted it, patented it and got some mega-corporations to pick up the tab. Smiley infuses terms like “black folk", forms of alliteration and 70’s slang into his speech to give himself that air of a black leader and ingratiates himself into said MOTOWN/Soul Trainer's life. Some of you out there may not agree with my feelings, but you can’t actually believe the State of the Black Union symposium, while free to attend, is being paid for out of Smiley’s pocket, because it is not. Yes, the revolution is being televised on C-SPAN and it is also sponsored by Exxon/Mobil, McDonald’s, Wells Fargo Bank and Allstate. I must note that Smiley's weekly comments on The Tom Joyner Morning Show are sponsored by Wal-Mart, so even his "King-like" passages have been sold to the highest bidder. As I said earlier, a true businessman knows his market and knows what they want. If I’m promoting a concert, I’m not selling one ticket if my headliner is Cisco singing his new song, “Thong 2008”. No, I’ve got to have a person, who is going to be a real draw and put butts into the seats. Tavis is throwing his annual political concert and he needs a political rock star to headline. Hillary is coming, but she’s Lil’ Kim (there’s a bizarre, interest in her, but we know her steelo), McCain is Lil Richard (we respect what you did, but we’ve got better things to do with our time) and Barack Obama is Kanye West (I don’t know what he's going to do, but whatever it is I don't want to be the one to say I missed it). So while I don’t agree with Mr. Smiley’s words towards Mr. Obama, I totally and sadly understand his need to protect his financial interests.
"Get your hand out of my pocket!" I heard you the first time Tavis.
Smiley has created his own cottage industry, ("poli-tainment", if you will) and when you create a brand, you will do whatever you must to protect it and hang a lantern on it for all to see and continue seeing. Jim Carrey will always do zany, comedies, Richard Simmons will always wear tight, booty-shorts, Flavor Flav will always wear a clock, Clay Davis (for you WIRE fans) will always say 'sheeeeeeeeet, Tyler Perry will always perform as Madea and Tavis Smiley will always preach/entertain to his MOTOWN/Soul Trainers aka "black folk". So to Tavis Smiley I say back the hell off Mr. Obama, for he hasn't done a thing, but try to be the president of America (not just black America) and to the MOTOWN/Soul Trainers I wish you peace, love and soooooooouullll!!!
Now Follow me to Freedom!
Talk show host/author/activist/pundit for black folk, Tavis Smiley has no doubt done good for the black community, via his talk show, his radio show and his many tomes, which can all be purchased on Amazon.com or a bookstore near you. According to the Louisiana lieutenant governor's office, Tavis' "day of service" (where people volunteer in rebuilding efforts) will be the largest in the state of Louisiana, since Huricane Katrina hit and I applaud him for that. But over the past week, Tavis has taken issue with Democratic presidential nominee hopeful, Barack Obama for not attending his annual State of the Black Union. Mr. Smiley feels as a representative of “black folk” (a favorite colloquialism of his) that Mr. Obama not appearing at his State of the Black Union would be a "critical miscalculation". Ironically, Mr. Obama took part in a Democratic presidential debate that Mr. Smiley moderated in 2007 on the campus of Howard University. Mr. Obama also appeared on Mr. Smiley’s public television talk show for thirty minutes. Far be it from me to scratch my head, but between a two-hour debate and half hour of "one on one" time with this man, can Mr. Smiley not get the gist of Mr. Obama’s platform. Because I can't find the "critical miscalculation". Recently on the Tom Joyner Morning Show, Tavis pontificated during his weekly commentary on Joyner's syndicated radio show about “what a free man is” and “his right to question political candidates” and again as I said a "critical miscalculation" for Obama to not attend his annual “rhetoric fest”. Yes, I called it a rhetoric fest, because in my opinion that’s what it is. The State of the Black Union? Smiley gets some above average minds, below average minds with some celebrity and Cornel West (a mind that I highly respect and don’t dare question) to appear on a symposium about the State of Black Union. I hate to paint the Black Union with broad strokes, but it’s fu***d up. A cannibalizing, drug epidemic, an educational system that’s not in decay, but stench-reeking, decomposition and BET (thirty minutes at a time) have contributed to eroding the State of the Black Union. I mean with all these problems, I can’t see what renting an auditorium to have people on a stage talking about problems does for Black America--- did you hear me?! They're just TALKING and not doing a thing.
But let me not digress I'm here to speak about Tavis Smiley and his recent comments towards Barack Obama, who is the first, truly, formidable black candidate for the office of the presidency (and please don't utter Jesse Jackson's name, because his run for the White House was symbolic at best, but never taken seriously by anyone but black people). In the beginning I couldn’t understand why Mr. Smiley took such issue with Obama not appearing at his annual "black" party, until I thought about it, but now I get it. Smiley, while philanthropic is a bottom line, businessman. Any good businessman will tell you that you must know your market and their needs. As the neo-cons found and targeted “NASCAR Dads” in the past presidential elections, Tavis Smiley has found his audience, which I call “MOTOWN/Soul Train Blacks” (patent pending). This would be the black people, who were very young children during Motown’s heyday, teenagers when Soul Train really mattered and they have just enough knowledge of hip-hop to recite Rapper’s Delight and some Run DMC lyrics. They are a solid bunch of people, that recall a day, when Jesse Jackson wasn’t sitting front row at a Tyson fight or reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" on Saturday Night Live. They find the humor in the thought that people call Bill Clinton “the first black president” and in some bizarre way a few of them (NOT ALL OF THEM) believe it. I’ll admit Clinton did a lot for people of color during his two terms as Commander-in-Chief, but he is not a black man. If by some stroke of egregiously, terrible luck, that the slavery of black people was reinstated, I just don’t believe that Slick Willie would be willing to stay out back with the rest of the coloreds and eat scraps from the "big house". Most importantly about MOTOWN/Soul Trainers is that, while holding a tremendous respect for gaining a college education, they also respect the concept of a leader, a black leader to be exact— King, Malcolm X, Adam Clayton Powell— that beacon in the community to proudly lead and for us to follow. Tavis Smiley has picked up that torch, copyrighted it, patented it and got some mega-corporations to pick up the tab. Smiley infuses terms like “black folk", forms of alliteration and 70’s slang into his speech to give himself that air of a black leader and ingratiates himself into said MOTOWN/Soul Trainer's life. Some of you out there may not agree with my feelings, but you can’t actually believe the State of the Black Union symposium, while free to attend, is being paid for out of Smiley’s pocket, because it is not. Yes, the revolution is being televised on C-SPAN and it is also sponsored by Exxon/Mobil, McDonald’s, Wells Fargo Bank and Allstate. I must note that Smiley's weekly comments on The Tom Joyner Morning Show are sponsored by Wal-Mart, so even his "King-like" passages have been sold to the highest bidder. As I said earlier, a true businessman knows his market and knows what they want. If I’m promoting a concert, I’m not selling one ticket if my headliner is Cisco singing his new song, “Thong 2008”. No, I’ve got to have a person, who is going to be a real draw and put butts into the seats. Tavis is throwing his annual political concert and he needs a political rock star to headline. Hillary is coming, but she’s Lil’ Kim (there’s a bizarre, interest in her, but we know her steelo), McCain is Lil Richard (we respect what you did, but we’ve got better things to do with our time) and Barack Obama is Kanye West (I don’t know what he's going to do, but whatever it is I don't want to be the one to say I missed it). So while I don’t agree with Mr. Smiley’s words towards Mr. Obama, I totally and sadly understand his need to protect his financial interests.
"Get your hand out of my pocket!" I heard you the first time Tavis.
Smiley has created his own cottage industry, ("poli-tainment", if you will) and when you create a brand, you will do whatever you must to protect it and hang a lantern on it for all to see and continue seeing. Jim Carrey will always do zany, comedies, Richard Simmons will always wear tight, booty-shorts, Flavor Flav will always wear a clock, Clay Davis (for you WIRE fans) will always say 'sheeeeeeeeet, Tyler Perry will always perform as Madea and Tavis Smiley will always preach/entertain to his MOTOWN/Soul Trainers aka "black folk". So to Tavis Smiley I say back the hell off Mr. Obama, for he hasn't done a thing, but try to be the president of America (not just black America) and to the MOTOWN/Soul Trainers I wish you peace, love and soooooooouullll!!!
Now Follow me to Freedom!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
EGO TRIPPING
Good day Cyberspace. Man, it is dark in--Owww!! I just tripped over-- what is that-- oh forget it. As I begin my journey across cyberspace, I come to you not as a Gentile or Jew, not a Kappa or a Que. I do not even come to you as a black, a white or either a brown man. And no I don't come as a Democrat or a Republi-CAN. Nooooo, my friends I come to you as something much, much more. I come to you this day, as a Blogger! Yes, people, a B-L-O-G-G-E-R, blogger! A self-centered s.o.b, who wants to serve his id with instantaneous, anonymous comments and become a journalist sans performing the pesky, little duty called fact-checking (which is essentially, ground-zero of the profession). Then again, fact-checking never stopped Jayson Blair, so let the blogging begin.
Yes, I have been coerced by societal conventions, or is it seduced by societal inventions-- Owww!!! Would somebody clean up in here?! Anyway I have created my first blog. Yes, deep down in the South African mines of my narcissistic, little brain, I like other bloggers, believe that we have little gems wedged in our untapped, synapses, that people will be read with reverence. From there my true Cheeto dust finger-tipped, energy drink chugging fans, will congregate at coffee-houses and in break rooms across America as they heat up their Hot Pockets and speak of my work the same way they speak of other talented columnists. "Hey, did you read what P.J. O'Rourke said today about the glitch in Hillary's healthcare plan?" or "Did you read what Jason Whitlock wrote about Donovan McNabb's time being up in Philly?" Wait, scratch that J. Whitlock comparison, because that's like being likened to, Larry Elder or Alan Keyes, or whoever is the right-wing's new nigger doujour. Yes, I said it. I don't use the term "N-Word" and not because I don't understand the word's horrendous history. I totally understand, but it totally insults us all when we act like the 500 pound silverback isn't sitting in the room munching a on a banana. But I digress, now dare I dream and blaspheme that one day someone may mention my name in the same paragraph-- no the same conversation as the godfather of all "take-no-prisoners-and-no-shit" writers, Ralph Wiley (let us take 30 seconds of silence in honor of the late Mr. Wiley before continuing with this entry). Thank you. Now as I was saying-- Damn!!! I tripped again. Am I just this clumsy or do they need to clean up this cyberspace As I was saying, I am now a part of the blogging community and I hope I am here to stay. From what I have gathered the key to being a great blogger is having a strong point of view and rigid beliefs even in the face of being totally wrong to the point of humilation (i.e. George W. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfield)
If you have gotten this far, you know the name of my blog is "Diablo's Bastille". At this point, you may ask, "Why"? Well, because there's a deeper reason for the title, but honestly it was just some cool shit to title a column. Folks, it's the twenty-first century and in the bout of style versus substance, style obliterated substance somewhere between MTV, Milli Vanilli and diva wide receivers. So think if this thing could actually catch on? We'd have people riding the bus or the "L" train saying stuff like, "Yo, did you read Diablo yesterday?" or "Man, you need to peep out The Bastille-- Rusty is going the hell off." As I type I feel a warm glow in the cockles of my heart, I realize that Al Gore's dream of the internet, aka "The Information Super Highway", has made our global community smaller to exchange ideas has finally come to fruition. Why just yesterday I stumbled upon a way to make a cheaper pipe bomb and a website dedicated to loving interracial couples, who displayed their to lovemaking skill sets to the world for only $13.99 a month-- $4.99 for the 7 day trial offer.
Shit!!! I stubbed my toe again! Somebody needs to clean up around here, right now! Being that I am not limited by man or beast and just my imagination and those days I can't really think of anything to write. I will speak on various subjects, no matter how big or small. From Obama to OB-GYN's. What will decide the subject of the day? Where ever the wind takes me, but you know it's going to be hot because it's written by me-- ow!!! dammit-- okay people, what the hell have I been tripping over all of this time, people?! Oh, that's just my ego.
Now Follow Me to Freedom!
Yes, I have been coerced by societal conventions, or is it seduced by societal inventions-- Owww!!! Would somebody clean up in here?! Anyway I have created my first blog. Yes, deep down in the South African mines of my narcissistic, little brain, I like other bloggers, believe that we have little gems wedged in our untapped, synapses, that people will be read with reverence. From there my true Cheeto dust finger-tipped, energy drink chugging fans, will congregate at coffee-houses and in break rooms across America as they heat up their Hot Pockets and speak of my work the same way they speak of other talented columnists. "Hey, did you read what P.J. O'Rourke said today about the glitch in Hillary's healthcare plan?" or "Did you read what Jason Whitlock wrote about Donovan McNabb's time being up in Philly?" Wait, scratch that J. Whitlock comparison, because that's like being likened to, Larry Elder or Alan Keyes, or whoever is the right-wing's new nigger doujour. Yes, I said it. I don't use the term "N-Word" and not because I don't understand the word's horrendous history. I totally understand, but it totally insults us all when we act like the 500 pound silverback isn't sitting in the room munching a on a banana. But I digress, now dare I dream and blaspheme that one day someone may mention my name in the same paragraph-- no the same conversation as the godfather of all "take-no-prisoners-and-no-shit" writers, Ralph Wiley (let us take 30 seconds of silence in honor of the late Mr. Wiley before continuing with this entry). Thank you. Now as I was saying-- Damn!!! I tripped again. Am I just this clumsy or do they need to clean up this cyberspace As I was saying, I am now a part of the blogging community and I hope I am here to stay. From what I have gathered the key to being a great blogger is having a strong point of view and rigid beliefs even in the face of being totally wrong to the point of humilation (i.e. George W. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfield)
If you have gotten this far, you know the name of my blog is "Diablo's Bastille". At this point, you may ask, "Why"? Well, because there's a deeper reason for the title, but honestly it was just some cool shit to title a column. Folks, it's the twenty-first century and in the bout of style versus substance, style obliterated substance somewhere between MTV, Milli Vanilli and diva wide receivers. So think if this thing could actually catch on? We'd have people riding the bus or the "L" train saying stuff like, "Yo, did you read Diablo yesterday?" or "Man, you need to peep out The Bastille-- Rusty is going the hell off." As I type I feel a warm glow in the cockles of my heart, I realize that Al Gore's dream of the internet, aka "The Information Super Highway", has made our global community smaller to exchange ideas has finally come to fruition. Why just yesterday I stumbled upon a way to make a cheaper pipe bomb and a website dedicated to loving interracial couples, who displayed their to lovemaking skill sets to the world for only $13.99 a month-- $4.99 for the 7 day trial offer.
Shit!!! I stubbed my toe again! Somebody needs to clean up around here, right now! Being that I am not limited by man or beast and just my imagination and those days I can't really think of anything to write. I will speak on various subjects, no matter how big or small. From Obama to OB-GYN's. What will decide the subject of the day? Where ever the wind takes me, but you know it's going to be hot because it's written by me-- ow!!! dammit-- okay people, what the hell have I been tripping over all of this time, people?! Oh, that's just my ego.
Now Follow Me to Freedom!
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