ACT LIKE A ******

Dear President Obama

I cannot believe it’s been a whole year since that cold day in Washington, DC last year, where the only thing that could keep you warm was your promise of change on the horizon of Washington politics. Over the past year, you’ve moved into a new house, been criticized for taking your wife out on a date, bought a dog, called a “liar”, commented on your friend being arrested in his own home, had a beer with the arresting officer, sent more troops to another country, tried to get a national healthcare bill passed and oh yeah, you even won a prize for being a peaceful guy. It has been a pretty full year for you. I must commend you for attempting to govern in a truly bipartisan manner by using the same skillful, nuanced, methods you used to win the White House. Now that your extended hand, symbolic olive branch and whatever other symbol of healthy compromise have been repeatedly slapped to the ground and fallen on the deaf “I don’t care if you’re right, you’re still wrong” ears of The Republicans it is time for you to change your M.O. I suggest that you --- and I know use of this word won’t be popular with many in the black community--- act like a ******. Yes, I said it, act like a ******. And while I know the word’s history with African Americans in this country, but to my critics I use the term in this piece more to be associated with “rebellious, don’t give a damn what you say, I’m gonna do what I do and you will get out of my way”, behavior. Why do I use this term? Because no one seems to listen to anything else but bold, brash, bullyish, ******-like behavior, kind of like George W. Bush did during his eight years in the Oval Office. George W. Bush found old, antiquated, executive privilege laws and used them to the fullest to progress his agenda and to say the least he was successful --- in bankrupting this country. To be quite honest, I always suspected the first black president would act just like George W. Bush did because he or she would figure I need to ‘act a fool’, while I’m in office because I know I’m not getting a second term. You know, things like give out reparations for slavery, pardon all his or her friends in jail, give out Pell Grants to all his friends with college age kids, pimp out the Presidential limousine, put up a basketball court on the White House grounds, throw back a few beers in the White House Garden—oh wow, Mr. President you’ve done some of this stuff already. Well, Mr. President you’re halfway down the road to “acting like a ******.” You’re totally ahead of the curve, you just have to take those natural instincts and apply them to the work day. The same Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats, who support Charter Schools because they bring about healthy competition with public schools, fight like rabid dogs against your public option in a healthcare bill that is supposed to bring about healthy competition within the country’s medical situation. It is at this moment, you should act like a ******”. You should go to the Blue Dog Democrats and tell them, if you vote with them, strongly imply that ‘things happen’. When they turn incredulously and ask “what do you mean Mr. President?” Innocently reply to them, “Huh? Oh I don’t know. Just saying. Things happen. Funding for your state gets cut off, you can’t get face time with the President. You know, I get five free kills as president. Things happen.” Of course I’m joking about killing anyone, but you gather what I am saying, Barack.

Just twenty four hours ago, the Democratic Party lost the Massachusetts, Senate seat that was Democratic since 1972 (via Ted Kennedy) and all the Democrats are now looking around at each other like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. You would be totally justified in acting like a *****. All they had to do was make a half hearted effort and they would’ve delivered the seat, but alas they didn’t. You were already having issues with getting votes on the Hill and they just made it even more difficult with the loss of this seat. Mr. President you need to metaphorically turn over some tables in Washington,DC and let everyone know that you are the President of the United States and no one else. Your opponents are going to be angry at you no matter what you do, why not get what you want while you’re at it. You are making efforts to assist in the devastation of the Haiti earthquake which has killed 200,000 people, but Rush “The Real College Dropout (my apologies Kanye)” Limbaugh found a way to state that you were “trying to ingratiate yourself with light and dark skinned black people”. As if you really needed assistance in that category. If that is the type of behavior you will receive, I say give it back to them. Junior congressmen from South Carolina (because I won’t give him press by repeating his name) won’t think about yelling during your speeches and right wing pundits will check themselves before saying the wrong thing for they will fear the wrath of President Obama. Why? Because every once in a while, you act like a ******. If that doesn’t convince you think about Nat Turner and Felix Macon. Nat Turner led a slave revolt through the countryside, killing people because he wanted his freedom. Now I am by no means suggesting to kill people in Washington, but think about Felix and who is Felix? Felix is the forgotten slave, who said “Nat, I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere by acting like a ******.”

Signed

Rusty “you still got my vote” Eagle

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AIR JORDAN versus THE AIR APPARENTS

NOTE: The following entry should be read with an arrogant British accent to totally enjoy the full effect of this Diablo's Bastille entry

I can smell the burning embers of celebration smattered about Los Angeles as Angelenos celebrate the Lakers winning the annual basketball tournament known as the NBA Finals. Let me be the first to applaud Kobe Bryant's "carrying" of a one of the most motley Laker teams in history. Trevor Ariza has devloped into a fine player and Gasol finally found his worth in the last four wins of this championship run, but in the end "The Black Mamba" carried this group to the Laker organization's 15th Larry O'Brien trophy. With having said that I must say, "Kobe Bean Bryant is not the Greatest Of All Time or G.O.A.T.. And neither are some of his peers.

In the case of "Air Jordan VS The Air Apparents", I reiterate that one, Michael Jeffery Jordan, from now on known as MJ, is the best to ever play the game created by James Naismith many years ago. And I truly believe there will not be another like him, in the near future.

I shall state the obvious, MJ lead the Chicago Bulls to six NBA championships with an accompanying six NBA Finals MVP trophies. and five--- FIVE league MVP trophies. For those who doubt look at the stats below:

Six-time NBA champion (1991-93, 1996-98); NBA MVP (1988, '91, '92, '96, '98); 10-time All-NBA First Team (1987-93, 1996-98); All-NBA Second Team (1985); Defensive Player of the Year (1988); Nine-time All-Defensive First Team (1988-93, 1996-98); Rookie of the Year (1985); 14-time All-Star; All-Star MVP (1988, '96, '98)

MJ won seven straight scoring titles. Can you wrap your head around that? To win a scoring title in the NBA (home of the best basketball players on the planet), you have to average more than over 400 players over 82 games. MJ did this seven years in a row. Mind you MJ took a lot of shots, but no one metions that and I think it is a very unfair assesment of Kobe Bean's game. But nonetheless, MJ still won seven scoring titles.

There are many of you who will look on this piece with incredulity and exclaim that since Kobe has carried "his" Laker team to the ring sans Shaquille O'Neal his legacy was cemented as the GOAT. Kobe Bryant's legacy was cemented during his 3peat championship run and he will be mentioned as one the best in NBA history, but just not the G.O.A.T. Why? Because he has five more championships to lead the Lakers to if he wants to beat MJ. Those who have asked me why does he have to do that and I answer because "we measure things in America and on planet Earth". That's why we have scales, rulers and statistics, if not I could start claiming that I was the GOAT. I know after Kobe knocked down 60 points at the Garden people were quick to say that was the best performance ever in that arena or when he knocked back 81 points in STAPLES, that was the best in Laker history or 2nd best performance in NBA scoring history. And even if I wanted to give Kobe the GOAT title with this 4th ring, I couldn't because I think it is so unfair that some Laker fans want to forget what Shaquille O'Neal contributed to win those titles. It's easy to say that he was fat and out of shape, but when he caught that alley-oop against the Blazers in 2000, which was basically ground zero for the 3peat, no Laker fans were complaining. It's an age old war Tupac vs Biggie, Michael vs Prince and Kobe vs Shaq. No matter what side you were on, you cna't deny each man's contribution to that 2000-2003 Laker 3 peat.

And let me not make this a Kobe thing because it is not. It is a genrational thing. I speak of Kobe, LeBron, Dwight Howard and whatever next Air Apprarent that NBA Commissioner Stern wants to promote. As much as these gentlemen say "it's all about winning the ring" it is not. LeBron James has always talked about starting a tradition in Cleveland. But since losing the Eastern Conference Finals, LeBron James was asked if he would be returning to Cleveland and he answered by saying, "I'll think things over the break". A few years ago Kobe Bryant was letting it be known during the playoffs that he would opting out of his contract IN TWO YEARS. In LeBron's case, you have had one of the greatest runs in Cleveland sports history and put a team in 2 of the last 3 conference finals (not to mention an NBA Finals). With all the speculation of you leaving for New York, if you're returning to Cleveland say it now and stop all the guessing, but I guess he can't because he is thinking about becoming a billionaire and as popular as MJ. And in Kobe's case what did you gain during a championship run by speaking of an event that would happen in two years? Nothing but self induced attention. And in both cases, it is steadily said that neither Kobe or LeBron has a strong supporting cast. Somewhere between their endorsement deals and enormous NBA contracts I'm thinking they could take minor pay cuts to go get someone to help in being "all about getting the ring". MJ in his last two years with the Bulls made in the 30 million range to my knowledge but previous to that MJ did not make any more than 4 million dollars. Think about that the man, who literally changed the game, the NBA and sports marketing never made no more than 4 million dollars until the last two years of his hallowed NBA career with the Chicago Bulls. Could you see any of today's superstars doing that? I'd say no, though the closest I have ever seen was Tim Duncan taking a pay cut a few years ago. You may be thinking how could MJ be the baller he was and not sweat the amount of his contract? Because he was truly about the TEAM concept of winning the championship at all costs. This is something he gained while playing at North Carolina. The majority of today's superstars have been cajoled in their basketball careers from the day they hit their first jumper in an AAU game and taught that it was all about them and probably told they had to be like MJ. But many don't realize that MJ learned to be a team player despite how great he was. Today's NBA superstars are all about using the terms, "my team" or "my guys" because it's still about them but wrapped in the "it's all about the ring" shawl. If per chance Kobe were not to be the MVP of these finals, would he see the ring as a tainted? If LeBron had to share the spotlight with someone to win a ring, would he feel it was tainted? Again congrats to Kobe Bryant and finally getting that "silver backed gorilla" off his back. He deserves it, but think about this entry, next time you're haphazardly throwing out the title of the G.O.A.T. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

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HE CAN WALK AND CHEW BUBBLE GUM AT THE SAME TIME

After eight years of Former-- yes Former President George "Chucklepuss" Bush, we have a president, who can multi-task. I went to the new and improved White House website, www.whitehouse.gov to see it has been updated for the YES WE CAN generation. The President's weekly address is going to be on the internet and there is a blog-- something I think we can all relate too. Chucklepuss was still doing his address on radio, like people were actually listening to AM radio, for something other than sports talk or Radio Disney (for those of you with children of that cult). Just yesterday President Obama signed executive orders to close Guantanamo Bay, create a special task force to examine review detainee policy going forward and ensure lawful interrogations. Chucklepuss had to go vacation to the ranch in Crawford, Texas just to decide what to eat for lunch. But let us not dwell on the past. Now please enjoy Barack hussein Obama's first weekly address.

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YOUNG, DUMB AND FULL OF....

I admit that I have been a fan of Aaron McGruder and his inflamatory opus The Boondocks about the lives of child revolutionary Huey and his wannabe thug brother, Riley, in the comic strip and Cartoon Network series of the same name. The show is by no means perfect. When it hits, IT HITS and when it misses, it MISSES. McGruder tends to take part in a type of anime masturbation (if you will), when scenes contains martial arts and he tends to go over the top with some of the viewpoints, but sometimes when doing comic satire it is needed. But McGruder has other streams of income, which is public speaking at colleges. This is due to his ability to touch nerves of the public with the comic strip combined with his African-American Studies degree from the University of Maryland. He recently made a statement that "touched" some nerves while speaking at Earlham College.

On the eve of President Barack Obama’s inauguration, McGruder is “cautiously pessimistic” about the presidency. “I don’t think you’re going to see any dramatic change from Barack Obama,” said McGruder, who wore a “Boondocks” T-shirt over a black long-sleeve shirt and jeans. “I’m hoping he proves me completely wrong.”

McGruder bases his opinions of the U.S. presidency on the 2000 election and how nothing has been done since then to change the election system. “It was a sham then … It’s got to still be a sham,” McGruder said. “I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, but it’s what I tend to do.”

On the topic of race and ethnicity, McGruder said that to him, Obama is not black because he is not a descendant of a slave. “The person who is one of us in the White House is Michelle Obama and her momma,” McGruder said.

I find it preposterous that a man with the features favoring that of a European and lacking so heavily in the melanin column can question President Obama's blackness, when he isn't anywhere close to being a pure blood Zulu warrior his damn self. Yes President Obama is bi-racial, but to say a person is not black because he isn't a descendant of a slave? WTF?! I won't let being the descendant of a slave determine my ethnicity no more than I would the "fraction of blood" test, what hood I'm from or "how real I can keep it". I am not in a The Empire has fallen and the galaxy is back in serenity by no means, but this isn't Jesse "I wanna cut his nuts off" Jackson. This is a man, who has endured an extreme amount of scrutiny and vetting than the average presidential candidate because he was considered black by the nation despite his not having a box marked Bi-Racial to check. I'm not saying give President Obama a pass, but let's not go up the man's a** with Hasbro's new Junior CSI DNA Kit. This is an example of a mind being a terrible thing to waste. Armed with his University of Maryland African American studies McGruder seems like a young Mike Tyson at a strip joint or a pitbull living at 1915 Moonlight Road (AKA the Michael Vick residence). As good as a satirist as McGruder is there is a point where you are touching nerves just to be touching them and not making an f***ing point. Being that his comic strip no longer runs in the newspapers (to my knowledge) and the third season of the Boondocks has yet to air or get an air date, I can only assume he is trying to keep his name in spotlight. Well guess what Aaron... mission accomplished.

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THE 45 YEAR RACE

In my post collegiate football years living in the nation’s capital, I became a runner— okay, let me not fool myself, a jogger. Anyway, I began running around the Howard University area, only to be made to feel uneasy on 13th street by a trio of ogling, she-males, but I digress. A friend suggested I run on the National Mall. I did and fell in love with it. It was scenic and it was two miles in length (just good enough for my post jock era). Day after day, I took in the landscape, meaning the national monuments, The Washington Monument, The Capitol Building and The Lincoln Memorial. After running by these buildings for months on a daily basis I finally comprehended the magnitude of their meaning with the Capitol being where our legislative branch of the government operates and the president is sworn in. The Lincoln Memorial being where the Dr. King delivered his infamous “I Have A Dream” speech at the March on Washington. When I first got to Washington, I saw these buildings as well, just buildings, but I never “saw” them for their context and meaning in American history. They became even more clear today, as The Dream of a Georgia preacher that began a two mile race on the steps of The Lincoln Memorial in 1963 and finished it today on the Capitol’s steps vas a skinny black kid named Barack Obama was inaugurated as America’s first black president. Sure it took 45 years to run two miles, but sometimes life isn’t about finishing, it’s about finishing the race. So on this historic day, I marvel at a race that began with the four words, “I Have A Dream” and ended with four, “I, Barack Hussein Obama…”

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THE ORIGINAL PIMP CANE HAS PASSED

I have been exhausted with this election (as I believe you are too) and I would not put up anything just for you to waste your precious computer/check email time, but this loss was worth the return.

The Godfather of Rap, Petey Wheatstraw, Dolomite, Disco Godfather, Rudy Ray, The Human Tornado-- the list goes on and on, but I'm going to call him what his mama called him Rudolph Frank Moore. Born on March 17, 1927 in Arkansas, this man, who started a career in entertainment as an R & B singer and transitioned into "blue" comedy and recorded party albums (16 to be exact) like his contemporaries, Redd Foxx and Richard Pryor. Rudy's comedy exceeded Pryor and Foxx's in salaciousness and Rudy never achieved the success in TV and films that Foxx and Pryor did(which is something to say when you think about it). He did maintain a cult following with his rhyming and storytelling in the tradition of West Africa. Though more seemly and sexually themed than most West African folk tales, Rudy's tales and vivid characters built an audience that followed him to his film as he starred in numerous Kung-Fu, Blaxploitation films. That audience is still loyal today and many of these people are from the hip hop community, as Rudy Ray is credited with being "ground zero" for rapping. As recent as 2006, Snoop Dogg stated "if it weren't for Dolomite, there'd be no Snoop". I was lucky enough to meet Rudy Ray in 1995, in which he informed me he was escorting his mother to and performing at a church convention. As the look of incredulity came across my face, he promptly said, "The Human Tornado not only cusses, he cleans". And on that note, I ask you to enjoy the trailer to Rudy Ray's film debut in DOLOMITE.

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BILL MELENDEZ: THE MAN THAT BROUGHT SNOOPY TO LIFE

First Jerry Reed, than Don LaFontaine and today I sadly report that animator, Bill Melendez has passed on. If you are not familiar with his name, you've probably seen it in the credits after everyone of the Peanuts half hour holiday specials that he animated. While he worked many other places, Bill made his mark on society by making Charlie Brown, Snoopy (my personal favorite) and the Peanuts Gang comic strip come to life on TV.

An Oscar nominee and 8-time Emmy winner, Melendez was the only filmmaker Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz allowed to oversee the animated versions of Charlie Brown and Snoopy --- in 68 TV specials, four feature films and more than 372 commercials.

His Warner Bros. work included such classics as “Wabbit Twouble,” “Mouse Menace,” “What Makes Daffy Duck,” “What’s Up, Doc” and “Gerald McBoing Boing.”

His first directorial effort was 1965’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas (a special that still airs annually).” His last work was on 2006’s “He’s A Bully, Charlie Brown.”

Audiences should especially revere Melendez, the only adult among the Peanuts voice cast, because his vocalizations for Charlie Brown’s famous beagle (who managed to “talk” without words) were always so inspired. Enjoy Bill's work in this compilation of clips from Peanuts specials.

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