KNOCKED UP

The Republican Party's attempt to retain control of The White house gets funnier and funnier as the days pass. With Hurricane Gustav tearing down on the Gulf Coast, Bush and Cheney decided to not attend the Republican convention in Minnesota and be available for the people of the region (gee I wonder why). McCain decided to curtail some of the events during the convention out of respect to the people of the Gulf Coast (maybe he won't celebrate his birthday this time if flooding occurs). But the most recent and interesting development is how Alaskan Governor and Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin has had to rebut some egregious, rumors that she has claimed to have a 4 month old daughter to cover up the fact that it was her 17 year old daughter, Bristol's baby. Sarah has stated that it is the furthest from the truth because Bristol is in fact five months pregnant with her own bundle of joy. I guess those long stretches of darkness in Alaska, always makes "the night time the right time to be with the one you love". Is Grampa Simpson nuts? First he picks a woman, who just two years ago was mayor of a town of 7,000 people. That's like running two large high schools. And now the pro-life former beauty queen runner up self proclaimed hockey mom is popping up with an unmarried, knocked up, teenage daughter (note: she and the father are going to get married). I honestly don't find this to be an issue, but didn't the Republicans try to run Bill Clinton out of office for so-called "immoral" behavior? This just gets better and better, everyday. The only thing that could make this better is if that child comes out of the oven black.

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GRAMPA SIMPSON PICKS TINA FEY AS HIS RUNNING MATE

Grampa Simpson lived up to his Maverick moniker by choosing Alaska Governor, Sarah "Tina Fey" Palin as his Republican running mate in his run for the big house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I applaud McCain for a smart, but desperate choice. It was smart in the sense, he knew after Barack Obama's acceptance speech that Mitt Romney or Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty would not be a pin prick in the "balloon of success" that was Barack Obama last night. That is also why this choice smells of desperation. She is virtually unknown, except by the Alaskans, who voted her into the Governor's Igloo in 2006. On the surface, she is great, being a former mayor, former sportscaster, beauty queen, self-proclaimed hockey mom and mother of five (the youngest being 4 months old). McCain is counting on this move to capture those Hillary disciples, who were voting for her only because she had a uterus and not her policies. In my opinion that is nothing less than condescending to those voters (unless it works, then he'll be a genius and I'll be moving to Canada). McCain has done nothing during his campaign but speak of Obama's inexperience and not being ready to lead, but he nominates this unknown woman to be his second as leader of the free world. He will be definitely taken to task by the press (not FOX News) on this choice. Now I am not downing Palin's being the governor of Alaska (I haven't been a governor in my lifetime), but what is she really leading up in Alaska? A large land mass state with a so-so population and a lot of wildlife. Last time I checked that wasn't caribou storming into Georgia, and those are not badgers trying to restart the Cold War. Not to mention there were many Republican women, McCain could've picked before her that had more prominent profile than a Facebook page and an Alaskan driver's license. With Grampa Simpson making 72 years old today (and not looking very spry), if he were to by some chance in hell win the presidency, Palin would need to NEVER turn off her Blackberry and always have the "World War lll for Dummies" book on her person. As the dust settles and the flash bulbs dim, the hyena like pundits will tear into her like they did Barack Obama and see what she is made of. Over the next two months for Palin, the press will do in two months to her what they did to Obama over 20 months and all McCain can do is pray that she is "ready-to-lead". And if they don't win the White house, she's always got a stand in job at "30 Rock".

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DEEZIE GETS HER NEO-CON ON

Secretary of State, Condoleeza "Deezie" Rice is, back in the news from shoe shopping and getting her Republican on. In an effort to impress President Chucklepuss and the Republican party, she issued the following mandate the night before presumptive Democratic nominee Sen. Barack Obama left for a tour of US bases overseas in Afghanistan, Iraq and Western Europe: All US missions are forbidden from holding events for presidential candidates or arrange meetings for them. (i.e., don't help that ni**er, Barack in any way)

How ironic? There are only two nominees left in the U.S. Presidential race and she sticks it to Barack Obama. Deezie issued no such mandates during previous trips made by presumptive Republican nominee John "Grampa Simpson" McCain. You'd think that Deezie would have issued this while there were a few more candidates in the race, so it wouldn't be so transparent. But she does this right after Grampa raises living hell about Obama not visiting the Middle East. McCain's campaign made such a fuss, they even kept a public count on how many days it had been since he visited. I guess Deezie wasn't so proud of the first African American becoming a U.S. presidential nominee, as she has stated after Hilary conceded. I totally understand loyalty, but loyalty is something that occurs, when it is reciprocated. I find it amazing that, Deezie, one of those most invisible Secretary of State's in U.S. history, will still do for the administration that has basically "castrated" her power from day one and used her as nothing but a token. Deezie, I hope that your allegiance is rewarded with a well paying, society destroying job in the private sector (like so many other Neo-cons) after this administration is over. If not, with a name like Condoleeza, there's always a hot comb at some hair salon with your name on it. So to you, I say, "Press on, 'guuuurlfriend".

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