THERE'S A HOLE IN THE BUCKET, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA

In the wake of the Hurricane Gustav, my hometown of New Orleans missed another disaster by very little. This time around the refurbished levees withstood the waters from this category 2 hurricane, though there was a small crack in a private levee (which I have never heard of such in my life). The country and more importantly the Republicans can breathe a sigh of relief (at least until next week because Tropical Storm Hanna is making her way towards the east coast). I guess it's too late for this Republican administration to realize you can't repair a leaking dike with a piece of tape. The moment after Katrina-- I mean the levee breaches flooded New Orleans, goverment on the federal, state and local levels should have made plans to build real levees like the ones in the Netherlands. In my lifetime, I never knew of these type of levees until Hurricane Katrina. As a child in New Orleans, you know that you live in a bowl and the perfect storm could flood the city. You know that New Orleans sits at 30 Lattitude and 90 degrees Longitude. Why? Because you know how to track a hurricane before you hit 2nd grade. You know that the small hills with the cement block walls atop them in your backyard are supposed to protect the city from flooding. As evidenced in aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the latter is not so true.
I figure that somewhere in the money used to rebuilding of Iraq (the country that we initially tore down on a false premise) or those billions sent to Iraq that couldn't be accounted for a year ago, a little of this scrilla could be set aside to protect one of this country's largest and most important ports. I'd like to think, at the least, the Repubs could find some kind of money to protect and thank the town that has probably given them so much back, as far as the chance to waddle in drunken debauchery. I mean you can't believe that former Repub Senator David Vitter was the only one getting his groove on, but I digress. We here at Bastille just wanted you guys to know that just because New Orleans survived, doesn't mean it's safe. I know what you're thinking, "Hey Rusty, that's not too funny." And no, it isn't.

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THREE BLACK CRABS IN A BARREL

Tavis "Self-Proclaimed Leader of Black Folks" Smiley will not stop. After a historic night in Denver at the Democratic National Convention, this self righteous, wannabe leader has found a way to still talk bad about Barack Obama with two academics that I had previously respected, Dr. Cornel "What's with the Scarf In Summer" West and the president of Bennett College, Julianne Malveaux. These three got together on Tavis' half hour "whine & cheese" show AKA The Tavis Smiley Show and complained about what Barack Obama didn't say in his 42 minute Democratic nomination acceptance speech at Invesco Field. They mentioned how he didn't speak about Dr. King and how Barack reduced him to just "a preacher from Georgia". Hadn't every media outlet already spoken of the King "I Have A Dream" speech connection? Did he really need to repeat the obvious, so Malveaux could be pleased? Malveuax then responded to Tavis' very, callous, "so much hype... did Obama deliver?" comment by saying to him, "Not at all and quite actually her heart was broken". Malveaux then spoke with glowing kudos of the speeches by Hillary and Bill Clinton. Malveaux continued that Jesse Jackson has been very gracious about passing the "baton" on to Barack Obama. Is that not the man, who wanted to "cut the nuts off" Barack Obama a few weeks ago? If that's "passing the baton", Julianne, you can keep it. Well, Julie, if your heart was broken, you're breaking my heart right now. Dr. West then complained of how Obama didn't speak about poverty in his speech. Cornel West is a man, who recently stated in an interview that "Lil' Wayne is an intelligent brother" (if you don't know Lil' Wayne just topped the music charts with an ode to receiving fellatio titled, "Lollipop" and has previously gone to rehab for an addiction to cough syrup). I know Cornel is trying to keep his street cred with the hip-hop community, but he is really pushing it and I must take his comments with not a grain of salt, but an entire salt lick. It is amazing how these so-called highly educated people cannot grasp the concept that Barack Obama is not running for the title of "Leader of All Blacks" (a moniker presently held by a recurring guest on the Howard Stern Radio Show), but President of the United States, which includes white people and people of many other ethnicities. In a country where we are not the majority, not even the largest minority, you cannnot expect this man to layout the agenda for Black America, while trying to become leader of America. And even with what Senator Obama has achieved in this historic race, racism is not dead, there are still people out there, who will not vote for a black man just because he is black and the race is not complete until a Tuesday night in early November and John McCain has called Barack Obama congratulating him on his historic win. Malveaux and West tarnish and severly damage their images with this nitpicking on Obama's every word. They are no better than the 24 hour news cycles that daily pick apart and translate people's words to their gain. Tavis Smiley should be ashamed that he is still trying to piss on Obama's parade after his first attempt failed during the Democratic primary. I read once that "Critics are people, who sit on a hill and watch a war. And when it's over they go down and kill all the surviviors." Watch this clip above and see these three unload a few clips on Barack Obama. I have heard that the blue crab has become an endangered species, but tell me when the black crab is endangered, so I can look forward to their extinction.

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KNOCKED UP

The Republican Party's attempt to retain control of The White house gets funnier and funnier as the days pass. With Hurricane Gustav tearing down on the Gulf Coast, Bush and Cheney decided to not attend the Republican convention in Minnesota and be available for the people of the region (gee I wonder why). McCain decided to curtail some of the events during the convention out of respect to the people of the Gulf Coast (maybe he won't celebrate his birthday this time if flooding occurs). But the most recent and interesting development is how Alaskan Governor and Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin has had to rebut some egregious, rumors that she has claimed to have a 4 month old daughter to cover up the fact that it was her 17 year old daughter, Bristol's baby. Sarah has stated that it is the furthest from the truth because Bristol is in fact five months pregnant with her own bundle of joy. I guess those long stretches of darkness in Alaska, always makes "the night time the right time to be with the one you love". Is Grampa Simpson nuts? First he picks a woman, who just two years ago was mayor of a town of 7,000 people. That's like running two large high schools. And now the pro-life former beauty queen runner up self proclaimed hockey mom is popping up with an unmarried, knocked up, teenage daughter (note: she and the father are going to get married). I honestly don't find this to be an issue, but didn't the Republicans try to run Bill Clinton out of office for so-called "immoral" behavior? This just gets better and better, everyday. The only thing that could make this better is if that child comes out of the oven black.

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GRAMPA SIMPSON PICKS TINA FEY AS HIS RUNNING MATE

Grampa Simpson lived up to his Maverick moniker by choosing Alaska Governor, Sarah "Tina Fey" Palin as his Republican running mate in his run for the big house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I applaud McCain for a smart, but desperate choice. It was smart in the sense, he knew after Barack Obama's acceptance speech that Mitt Romney or Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty would not be a pin prick in the "balloon of success" that was Barack Obama last night. That is also why this choice smells of desperation. She is virtually unknown, except by the Alaskans, who voted her into the Governor's Igloo in 2006. On the surface, she is great, being a former mayor, former sportscaster, beauty queen, self-proclaimed hockey mom and mother of five (the youngest being 4 months old). McCain is counting on this move to capture those Hillary disciples, who were voting for her only because she had a uterus and not her policies. In my opinion that is nothing less than condescending to those voters (unless it works, then he'll be a genius and I'll be moving to Canada). McCain has done nothing during his campaign but speak of Obama's inexperience and not being ready to lead, but he nominates this unknown woman to be his second as leader of the free world. He will be definitely taken to task by the press (not FOX News) on this choice. Now I am not downing Palin's being the governor of Alaska (I haven't been a governor in my lifetime), but what is she really leading up in Alaska? A large land mass state with a so-so population and a lot of wildlife. Last time I checked that wasn't caribou storming into Georgia, and those are not badgers trying to restart the Cold War. Not to mention there were many Republican women, McCain could've picked before her that had more prominent profile than a Facebook page and an Alaskan driver's license. With Grampa Simpson making 72 years old today (and not looking very spry), if he were to by some chance in hell win the presidency, Palin would need to NEVER turn off her Blackberry and always have the "World War lll for Dummies" book on her person. As the dust settles and the flash bulbs dim, the hyena like pundits will tear into her like they did Barack Obama and see what she is made of. Over the next two months for Palin, the press will do in two months to her what they did to Obama over 20 months and all McCain can do is pray that she is "ready-to-lead". And if they don't win the White house, she's always got a stand in job at "30 Rock".

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THE LIGHTNING BOLT HAS STRUCK...TWICE

In the majesty of the Olympics, I cannot deny the greatness of Michael Phelps and his attaining a gold medal and breaking a world record every time he comes in the mere vicinity of the Water Cube in Beijing. But greatness on the ground was attained by one Usain "Lightning" Bolt of the Jamaican track and field team. At 6'5", 189 and the mere age of 22, Usain has won the gold medals in the 100 meter and 200 meter races. This is a feat that has not been accomplished since 1984 at Los Angeles summer games, by USA track staple, Carl Lewis. In addition he broke the world records in both events on the way to these gold medals. In winning the 100 meters, he ran a 9.69, but he was so caught up in excitement of the win to acknowledge the crowd, he slowed down in the last fifteen meters. Understand he was shifting down in speed, as he crossed the finish line and destroyed the world record. We can only imagine what a more mature Usain will do in 2012 at the London Summer Olympics.

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JUST QUICK A REMINDER

Chucklepuss is still the President of the United States. This former drunken, frat boy, who has coasted through this life, only because of his father and grandfather's influence (see decepetion, lies & illegal doings), is still the leader of the free world. The former failed oil man, who has ballooned the national deficit into the trillions, repeatedly hacked at the English language like a blind Benihana chef, let an American city drown for five days and sent over four thousand soldiers to their death, is still running things. In his seven years at the helm, President Chucklepuss has alienated the majority of the world and most recently the new and improved Russia. There are those neo-cons, conservatives and Uncle Tom Black Republicans, who will say this is a cheap shot. Well, let me state that it is. But answer me this, is a cheap-shot to a murderer, really a cheap shot? Take the next three minutes to watch the above video and remind yourself of the man, who lead the United States into the 21st century and quite possibly it's ruin. Talk amongst yourselves.

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YOU! STEP AWAY FROM THE FAME

Later this month 80's pop icons Madonna and Michael Jackson hit 50 years old. Yes, the former child pop sensation, who made the smooth transition from bubblegum soul to adult success to grade A freak is hitting the big 5-0. Michael or Wacko Jacko (as he is called across the pond) found solo success with the albums "Off the Wall" and "Thriller", which is the best selling record of all time. He will be joined in the celebration at Chuck E. Cheese by The Material Girl.

Yes, Madonna has made the transition from a techno caterwauling, everybody fu**ing, self-promoting harlot into a crotchety, Kabbalah-following, british speaking, children's author and mother. With an idiot president waging war on two countries and possibly another on the way I realized one thing. I don't think it's actually possible to care any less about two people, who should slowly loosen their grip on fame's lifeboat and slowly fall into the abyss, like Jack from Titanic.

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