AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE BUMP-N-GRIND

“I don’t see nothing wrong, with a little bump-n-grind.”

Lyrics by R & B Crooner and all around nasty motherfucker, R.Kelly.

This just in from the Second City justice system.

A Cook County jury on Friday acquitted R&B superstar R. Kelly of child pornography charges, marking the end of a high-profile trial rich in courtroom drama and celebrity intrigue.
The 41-year-old singer, whose real name is Robert Kelly, long denied charges that he videotaped himself engaging in a variety of sex acts with his then-underage goddaughter. Authorities said the female in the video could have been as young as 13 at the time.
The jury of nine men and three women deliberated for 7 ½ hours before finding Kelly not guilty on all 14 counts.
The verdict ends a bizarre case that had languished for nearly six years. During almost four weeks of testimony, the jury heard about three-person sexual encounters and watched a sex tape in which the male participant is seen urinating on a female.

The prosecution presented 22 witnesses including several childhood friends and four family members, who identified their then 13 year-old young lady. Twenty-two people recognized this perverted man as having sex with this then underage young lady and the cherry on top – urinating on her – let me restate that -- pissing on a little girl. We here at the Bastille hopes he never sells another CD. May he be banished to selling home-burned CD’s on the streets of Chicago out the back of an Escalade. There is not a song in this world – at least I thought so – that should have gotten this bastard off, but obviously it did. I will assume the girl and her family have been paid off. Now that Mr. Kelly is free I assume he will record a CD like Trapped In Closet – forgive me-- a mini-opera. I can see the title now, “Junior High Love”. After this pedo was originally arrested he started wearing masks in public, came out with an album called the Chocolate Factory and started calling himself the Pied Piper of R & B. How much does this man have to dare society to convict him. I’ve spoke on karma before and if there is such a thing, there are going to be five men resembling, mixed-martial artist Kimbo Slice, who are going treat his sphincter like NASA treats the planet Mars – exploring a new frontier in perpetuity.

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MONEY, SCHMUNEY

In a recent interview with Essence Magazine, talk show host/entrepreneur/billionaire, Oprah Winfrey recently revealed her secret to success. And number two was "don't care about money". While I understand her feelings, you can't tell that to people, who are not in your billionaire club AKA almost everyone. I know those, who take the comment out of context, but the woman or man paying strictly interest on a credit card cannot wrap their head around that concept. And those numbers will grow in our ever declining economy. All I'm asking is for Oprah and those, who came from humble beginnings, but now have a lot to recall those humble years before they make statements like Oprah has made. Because we all would like to have your money problems... trust me on that.

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THE HARD WORK OF THE IRISH

“That’s why we play the game. That’s why we play the game.”
Then New York Jets coach, Herm Edwards, to the press after his Jets lost a game in which they were heavily favored to win.

I have returned like a self-entitled conceited, millennial child, who believes his/her feces smells like lavender. Oh, well if that’s the case then just call me Kobe Bryant. For all the NBA fans, retro 80’s fans and possibly pop culture fans, the sacred rivalry of the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers has been recently renewed in the 2008 NBA Finals. Now a strange occurrence has come about. In the euphoria of winning the Western Conference Finals for the first since four years (that’s decades in Laker years), the Lakers and their band-wagoning fans forgot that the Celtics want to win championship too. Before the last shred of conference final confetti hit the floor, L.A. sports talk radio pundits and fans began predicting a four game sweep of the Green Machine and “how will GM Mitch two Kupchak keep all the Lakers together after this year's championship.

Well over the two Laker losses in the NBA finals, new questions have arisen, “Would a map help Kobe get into the paint?” and “How can we unload Lamar Odom and Pau Ga-"soft" at season’s end for some Artest/Rasheed type enforcers. The remarkable issue here is for some reason no one expected the Celtics to play like they wanted to hold the Larry O’Brien trophy too. It’s egregious arrogance that has some Laker fans referring to the 2008 edition of the Lakers as a dynasty, trying to erect shrines to one Kobe Bean Bryant and attempting to block off the street to Staples Center for a victory parade without a victory. And yes, you read me correctly, DYNASTY. Bootleg t-shirts have hit the streets of Los Angeles with Jerry West’s, Magic Johnson’s and Kobe’s #24 jerseys celebrating three Laker dynasties. The curious thing about this celebratory tee, is no third dynasty, because Kobe’s Lakers have yet to win a championship (I hate to drive that fact home, but no one seems to get it). A dynasty contains multiple championships won within relatively a close span of time (see, Spurs, Pistons, etc). Fact of the matter is, there was a third Laker dynasty and it 0was during the years 2000 to 2003, when future Hall of Famer, Shaquille O’Neal lead the Lakers to three NBA titles and himself to three Finals MVP trophies. I marvel at how Laker loyalists or bandwagoners (your call) have completely forgotten the 7’2”, 345 pound man who played center for the Lakers and saved this franchise from the dark years (remember Del Harris, Cedric Ceballos era— I thought you could). There is a desperate need by Laker fans to see a Kobe and only Kobe lead the Lakers to another title. Forgive my ignorance, but James Naismith created a sport called basketball in 1891 centered around a concept that the team with the most points at the expiration of time wins the game, not the team with the ego-driven “2” guard, who wants people to say to him “you’re better than Michael Jordan” can only win. Call me crazy, but that definitely seems in conflict with Mr. Naismith’s original idea. In my opinion, all Kobe’s conditions, in which he needs to win are what have the Lakers down in this series now. Hear Kobe’s decree, “I want to win the NBA championship with the Los Angeles Lakers for a fourth time, while leading the team throughout the series in all statistical categories, the media will adoringly refer to the Lakers as “my team” and I will win the MVP trophy and get to speak first and last at the Victory parade, which I will lead in the late model Maserati, which Laker GM Mitch Kupchak will buy me for not leaving the team this past summer. Look, I think you get it—- Kobe’s wants a championship ring and title with conditions. In closing, a junkyard dog that wants steak instead of ground chuck is not as desperate as a junkyard dog, who just wants to eat. And trust me, Kobe, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce are hungry... and Doc Rivers is taking off the leashes.

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FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUEMENT aka Black People Vote Too

We here at the Bastille welcome all like minds to contribute to our outlet and we have our first contributor, Brazilian expatriate, Mr. Lou Oumo.

Is it me or has the democratic primary gone on way too long? Why is it still going on? OK, beside the fact that news “factories” have nothing else to talk about. There is no real news. So they manufacture news. I’m willing to bet that some sick producer at one of the news “factories” was thanking the News Gods when the horrible events happened in Myramar, China or even the recent diagnosis of Ted Kennedy.

So, why is this thing still going on?

If the black guy were mathematically out of the race and the entitled white woman were winning, would this race still be going on?

Why is she using the “I do better with white blue collar men” argument? Hello entitled white woman! Blue collar white men have overwhelmingly voted republican since the Reagan Era. In November, you won’t win them!

Ok. Ok. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that she is “more electable”. Let’s just say the Super Delegates decide to disregard all pledged delegates and the primary process and decide to snatch the nomination from Barack Obama….

Wait. Before I go on with the “Let’s-just-say” scenario, here are two quick historical tidbits:

1. When John Kerry ran for office and LOST, his most loyal supporters were African Americans. When Al Gore “LOST” (notice the quotations marks) his most loyal supporters were African Americans. When Bill Clinton aka Slick Willie, (Inhale deeply This list is long (pun?) ) ran for office and won in 92 and 96, fought Ken Starr and the “Right Wing Conspiracy”, checked Monica Lewinsky’s tonsils but “did not have sexual relations with that woman”, left forensics on her dress, apologized, was impeached and left office under a shadow of shame, his most loyal supporters were AFRICAN AMERICANS. In fact, he moved his office to the African American “headquarters”- Harlem, of all places. That’s historical tidbit number one.

2. The second historical morsel is quick and very easy to understand. Up until the 1960’s, when JFK and Lyndon Johnson made one of the savviest political moves in generations by pushing the Civil Rights Act and as GOP made one of the biggest political blunders in generations by denouncing the Civil Rights Act, the African American vote had always gone overwhelmingly republican.

Now keep those tidbits in mind.

Where was I? Yes. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that Super Delegate Dems decide to snatch the nomination from Obama after he won more popular votes, won more states, PLAYED BY THE RULES, won more pledged delegates all while inspiring millions of first time voters to participate in the political process and enduring unrelenting scrutiny. The Dems won’t have to worry about the blue collar white male vote. They will have lost the most loyal constituency they have EVER had- African Americans.

Sure. Some African Americans would vote for Clinton. Some would not vote all. Some would write in Obama. Some would even vote for Nader or McCain. But the loyalty would be lost, leaving the GOP with an opening to perhaps add Condie Rice to the Republican ticket. Hmmm.

Yep. The Dems will have self destructed once again. But this time, it wouldn’t be Dukakis in a Bradley Tank. It wouldn’t be John Kerry “voting for it before voting against the war”. It wouldn’t even be forensics on a blue dress.

It would be two acts the Dems have always accused GOP of - HYPOCRISY and DISCLUSION. The 2008 African American is far more educated and sophisticated than the 1968 model. We will not be taken for granted and will definitely not be disregarded.

African Americans will interpret this slap in the face as the Dems saying, “You can vote for us. Raise money for us. But never, ever lead us.” Or in ol’ fashion terms “You can work with me, come to my house some times, but I will never work for you or allow you to date my daughter”

Finally, for the sake of argument, if this were to happen, the irony would be that the Dems would validate many of the views Rev Jeremiah Wright made in his incendiary sermons.

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NO LINKS FOR PRESIDENT CHUCKLEPUSS

Yesterday President Chucklepuss expressed in an interview the sacrifices he is enduring while we are at war with Iraq. His penance was his golf game… you heard right, his golf game. Chucklepuss’ statement was as follows:

"I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf," he said. "I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal."

Bush said he made that decision after the August 2003 bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad, which killed Sergio Vieira de Mello, the top U.N. official in Iraq and the organization's high commissioner for human rights. "I remember when de Mello, who was at the U.N., got killed in Baghdad as a result of these murderers taking this good man's life," he said. "I was playing golf -- I think I was in central Texas -- and they pulled me off the golf course and I said, 'It's just not worth it anymore to do.'"

Yes, the ALLEGED, “self-righteous, Crawford, Texas, brush moving, ex-cocaine snorting, oil company running into the ground, Samy Sosa trading, voted in by the Supreme Court” so-called president has equated not playing the “elitist” game of golf to the sacrifice that one of the over four thousand families have suffered via loved ones killed in Iraq due to his Coalition of the Willing, who was FORCED into battle under the direction of his WMD lie. Why has this man not been brought before congress for crimes of stupidity. I cannot understand for the lie of me, why there is 29 percent of the country that still believes this man is doing a good job. His corporate supported, arrogance is palpable and a disgrace at best. I can only say this, if the notions of karma and hell are real, there is a thousand acre ranch there and the only plow mule is named Chucklepuss aka George W.

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YOU AINT GOTTA GO BUT YOU GOT TO GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE

I have worked as an entertainment entrance liaison or it’s more familiar term, a bouncer. I have worked at upscale nightclubs and hole-in-the-wall joints and a few things I have found to be consistent. There is always going to be people, who have to be asked to go or forced to go. person usually feels they can drop a name associated with the establishment or just plain has had too much to drink. Democratic—- dare I say, former Democratic Presidential nominee, Hillary “Do You Know Who I Am?” Clinton. It’s the type of person, I’d politely say something to once or twice, hoping that they get the idea by noticing the bar-backs wiping off tables or the waitresses counting their tips or the fact that the light is on and large black men—I mean bouncers are saying, “Good night, thanks for coming.” You know, the obvious signs. As in the case of this Democratic Primary, where when your opponents has more votes than you in certain categories. Early on, Mrs. Clinton lead in Superdelegates, who are the basis of how she was going to win the party’s nomination. It has in recent days, been overtaken by Senator Obama, who also leads her in the popular vote and pledged delegates. The only category Mrs. Clinton actually leads in is Presidential Nominees with a uterus and the ability to give birth. I say this to express my fondest wishes to Mrs. Clinton is her future endeavors, because this is race is over. Lying to people in upcoming state primaries by saying, “things are about to turn” and spending Chelsea’s inheritance on this exercise in futility make her look like the guy at the bar, who has been drinking all night and feels because of that fact he is entitled to stay as long as he desires, despite establishment employees being ready to go home. That drunkard is looking to pick a fight with the first person, that speaks to them, so they can interpret it as an attack on their person and lash out. Long story short, Hilary has been drinking shots of Johnnie Walker Blue all night, Super Tuesday was last call for alcohol, Pennsylvania was the lights being turned on and a friendly ‘good night’. North Carolina was the polite “ma am, we’re closing” as the chairs are placed on tables. Oregon is going to be, when the bouncers say, “Ma am, you’ve got to go somewhere other than here or we will forcibly take you out”. Hillary please leave the nightclub before the goons have to help you leave.

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SEGREGATION NOW, SEGREGATION TOMORROW, SEGREGATION FOREVER

Those were the words uttered by former Alabama Governor and segregationist supporter, George Wallace when he opposed the integrating of the schools in his state. I’m afraid that if this Democratic presidential nomination race continues, the words may be repeated by one, Hillary Clinton. In the wake of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries, it is becoming clear that she is not favored to win at all. In what seems to be the desperate acts of a true loser, she has resorted to begging, lying and race-baiting. In her post Indiana primary speech she lied by saying she was winning the race, she then begged people to give her more money to ‘get to the White House’ and she race-baited by making a very disparaging remark to USA Today. She told the newspaper that she was the favored candidate of “hardworking Americans, hardworking, white Americans” and that her black, opponent, Barack Obama “just can’t cut it with that crowd”. This statement strongly implies (if not states), that white people are hard working and black people are not (and I’ll assume lazy SOB’s). It also seriously implies blue-collar white people will just not vote for Obama and that a white person’s vote is worth more than a black person’s vote. This is quite amazing, being that the black vote played an extremely, significant, role in her husband Bill becoming president in 1992 and 1996. ]It is thought that if the black vote had showed up in larger numbers in 2004, John Kerry would be president today instead of old, Chucklepuss.

One of Mrs. Clinton biggest problems (in addition to resorting to the Southern strategies of the past of playing on race) that placed her in this position was that she really took her “hardworking white Americans” for granted as being stupid (as exampled with her aping John McCain’s ‘summer gas tax’ with it’s $30 savings). She also took the black voters for granted, by thinking she could gain their vote by attending a few black church services and Photoshop Maya Angelou into a campaign commercial. This is the equivalent of trying to lure black people into a voting booth with fried chicken, watermelon and screw-top wine. And yes there are those black people, who support Hillary, but at this point after weeks of playing the race card, if you still are supporting her low-ball tactics, you are border-lining on having Stockholm Syndrome, “Miss Hillary sho’ am good to us”. We forget that Hillary was a Republican before she met Bill and I think under extreme amounts of pressure a person can have their true self-exposed. Hillary is unconsciously showing her true self to the public, with her race politics, which is a sad expose’ on the first true female presidential nominee. Many black people did not vote for her and to say the least, Hillary and Bill have been floored by this phenomenon, much like the slave-owners, who were shocked that their slaves left them, after the Emancipation Proclamation was signed. I can see Miss Clinton on the plantation steps, talking to Massa Clinton now, “Bill, didn’t we treat them good? We put black people in jobs, we made the economy better for not only white people, we went to church with them and all we asked them was to blindly give me their vote off what you—I mean we did in the White House. I just don’t get it. Now they expect us to solicit their vote. They’re crazy.” Her statement was so inane that New York representative Charles Rangel, who is black and been an unapologetic Hillary supporter, said, “I can’t believe that Senator Clinton would say anything that dumb.” Senator Clinton has used this venomous rhetoric in the vein of Nixon, Wallace and anyone working towards achieving the Republican agenda. Hillary is shameless and every day she doesn’t go off into the sunset, she looks like a delusional, sore loser and the hallowed Clinton political named is besmirched like Mike Tyson’s name, if there is anything else left to besmirch (please don’t ever read this blog entry Mike).

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