W.W.S.D.? (WHAT WOULD SHAQ DO?)

I was between takes on the set of my newest adult film, Iron Man: Twisted Steel and Sex Appeal, when I began talking sports with stagehand and IATSE #925 member, Bobby Durban. With the crowning of the Boston Celtics as the 2008 NBA Champions, via a humbling and soul crushing win over the Kobe Bryant-led, Los Angeles Lakers, Bobby posed a deep and profound question to me, "What Would Shaquille Do?" To which I responded without hesitation, "WIN".

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

GOOD GUYS CAN FINISH FIRST

Last night, last year's cellar dwelling Boston Celtics reached the peak of the NBA mountain by winning the World Championship in a convincing fashion by demolishing the Los Angeles Lakers 132 to 93. They were led by a trio that individually have have had Hall of Fame careers and together as a trio have had more monikers than Diddy-- or is he Puff Daddy today? That's not important, but celebrating these young men is. Why, do you ask? Because Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett and Finals MVP Paul Pierce have toiled throughout their careers never getting close to the "ring" without complaining. Pierce was the face of the modern day as he rode the Celtics mediocrity train through the hills and valleys-- including a stop, where he was stabbed eight times outside a Boston nightclub. Garnett, who hung onto the Timberwolves team as their franchise face without complaining about the parade of players to help him out-- I only have two words for that situation, "Stephon Marbury". Ray Allen AKA Jesus Shuttlesworth carried the Milwaukee Bucks on his back, only to be traded to the Seattle Supersonics and do the same thing in 'Frasier Town' for a long time without a peep. And as we all know, on the bad end of last night's beatdown was the reigning NBA MVP and Crybaby, Kobe "I Want to Be Jordan So Badly" Bryant. Kobe is the 180 degree opposite of these newly crowned champions, as proven with the "trade me" song he sung to the press prior to the season. But this is not about Kobe, it's about the Celtics and their classy big three, who deservedly won the title last night.

Now Follow Me! Follow Me to Freedom!

WHAT A SHAME!

As always we here at the Bastille invite contributors and our most recent, Montgomery Carlo, has some things to say about recently acquitted, R & B singer Robert Kelly aka R. Kelly.

It was no surprise that R. Kelly was acquitted last week. The justice system has repeatedly demonstrated inequities toward, and disregard for the powerless as it has bent over backwards to show favoritism for wealthy and well connected.

The paralyzing sensation I feel is a collage of emotions when reflecting on the crime that Robert Kelly committed. But his crime is only the opening act of a grander more conspiratorial crime that was committed by our Nation's radio stations, T.V. Stations, magazines and other media outlets following Kelly's crime. The media continued to "push" R. Kelly after repeated accusations of R Kelly's never-ending appetite for young girls. This time, though, the accusations weren't delivered via anecdote or hearsay. They were delivered via visual evidence.

However, to no surprise, our justice system ignored the most damning forensic evidence- VISUAL EVIDENCE. This is not a case of a bloody glove, a time line, a DNA sample or a barking dog. This was a case of "Is this guy I see on this video, really the guy I see on this video?" But unlike O.J., R. Kelly has won in the court of public opinion. His records have continued to sell. Ironically, his VIDEOS have sold as well, all despite the overwhelming evidence against R Kelly.

Therein are some compelling questions, that have yet to be asked.

If R. Kelly had urinated on a 13 white girl, would he be free, much less wealthy?

Finally, here is a tougher introspective image for African Americans.

Imagine a celebrity who is loved by all. His career has spanned two decades as he has demonstrated the ability to cross all genres of music. However, there are rumors that this celebrity has a problem. His problem is one that even the most hardened criminals frown upon. Still, he sells hip-hop music at a frenzied pace to fans world wide. He packs coliseums selling out shows around the globe. Then, something happens. The horrible rumors that have swirled around this mega-star are supported by a video of him with a 13 year old inner city girl from Chicago. Some of the sexual acts shown on this tape are objectionable, even for most consenting ADULTS. The video culminates with the hip-hop star urinating on the 13 year old girl. Imagine this. And in the spirit of Matthew McConauhey in the 1990's movie "JUST CAUSE", "Now imagine the mega-star is white".

Would we have witnessed the parade of Sharpton, Jackson and the usual contingent of picket sign carriers singing "We Shall Overcome" or shouting "NO Justice NO Peace"? Would CNN have been outside the courtroom with "earliest results from the racially charged child pornography case and words" from Rev Al, Jesse, and the scores of other corrupt, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-aggrandizing, vain black-preachers and other media appointed leaders-of-the-black-community? Of course!

So I ask, "What is the difference?" A child was sexually abused at the hands of a sexual predator with a reputed history. Yet, we did nothing but enable and therefore facilitate his crimes.

Recently, we witnessed history as Barack Obama was nominated the Democratic Nominee. Our Nation showed that it is evolving- growing up. However, we as African-Americans have once again shown that we may have taken a step backwards.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE BUMP-N-GRIND

“I don’t see nothing wrong, with a little bump-n-grind.”

Lyrics by R & B Crooner and all around nasty motherfucker, R.Kelly.

This just in from the Second City justice system.

A Cook County jury on Friday acquitted R&B superstar R. Kelly of child pornography charges, marking the end of a high-profile trial rich in courtroom drama and celebrity intrigue.
The 41-year-old singer, whose real name is Robert Kelly, long denied charges that he videotaped himself engaging in a variety of sex acts with his then-underage goddaughter. Authorities said the female in the video could have been as young as 13 at the time.
The jury of nine men and three women deliberated for 7 ½ hours before finding Kelly not guilty on all 14 counts.
The verdict ends a bizarre case that had languished for nearly six years. During almost four weeks of testimony, the jury heard about three-person sexual encounters and watched a sex tape in which the male participant is seen urinating on a female.

The prosecution presented 22 witnesses including several childhood friends and four family members, who identified their then 13 year-old young lady. Twenty-two people recognized this perverted man as having sex with this then underage young lady and the cherry on top – urinating on her – let me restate that -- pissing on a little girl. We here at the Bastille hopes he never sells another CD. May he be banished to selling home-burned CD’s on the streets of Chicago out the back of an Escalade. There is not a song in this world – at least I thought so – that should have gotten this bastard off, but obviously it did. I will assume the girl and her family have been paid off. Now that Mr. Kelly is free I assume he will record a CD like Trapped In Closet – forgive me-- a mini-opera. I can see the title now, “Junior High Love”. After this pedo was originally arrested he started wearing masks in public, came out with an album called the Chocolate Factory and started calling himself the Pied Piper of R & B. How much does this man have to dare society to convict him. I’ve spoke on karma before and if there is such a thing, there are going to be five men resembling, mixed-martial artist Kimbo Slice, who are going treat his sphincter like NASA treats the planet Mars – exploring a new frontier in perpetuity.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

MONEY, SCHMUNEY

In a recent interview with Essence Magazine, talk show host/entrepreneur/billionaire, Oprah Winfrey recently revealed her secret to success. And number two was "don't care about money". While I understand her feelings, you can't tell that to people, who are not in your billionaire club AKA almost everyone. I know those, who take the comment out of context, but the woman or man paying strictly interest on a credit card cannot wrap their head around that concept. And those numbers will grow in our ever declining economy. All I'm asking is for Oprah and those, who came from humble beginnings, but now have a lot to recall those humble years before they make statements like Oprah has made. Because we all would like to have your money problems... trust me on that.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

THE HARD WORK OF THE IRISH

“That’s why we play the game. That’s why we play the game.”
Then New York Jets coach, Herm Edwards, to the press after his Jets lost a game in which they were heavily favored to win.

I have returned like a self-entitled conceited, millennial child, who believes his/her feces smells like lavender. Oh, well if that’s the case then just call me Kobe Bryant. For all the NBA fans, retro 80’s fans and possibly pop culture fans, the sacred rivalry of the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers has been recently renewed in the 2008 NBA Finals. Now a strange occurrence has come about. In the euphoria of winning the Western Conference Finals for the first since four years (that’s decades in Laker years), the Lakers and their band-wagoning fans forgot that the Celtics want to win championship too. Before the last shred of conference final confetti hit the floor, L.A. sports talk radio pundits and fans began predicting a four game sweep of the Green Machine and “how will GM Mitch two Kupchak keep all the Lakers together after this year's championship.

Well over the two Laker losses in the NBA finals, new questions have arisen, “Would a map help Kobe get into the paint?” and “How can we unload Lamar Odom and Pau Ga-"soft" at season’s end for some Artest/Rasheed type enforcers. The remarkable issue here is for some reason no one expected the Celtics to play like they wanted to hold the Larry O’Brien trophy too. It’s egregious arrogance that has some Laker fans referring to the 2008 edition of the Lakers as a dynasty, trying to erect shrines to one Kobe Bean Bryant and attempting to block off the street to Staples Center for a victory parade without a victory. And yes, you read me correctly, DYNASTY. Bootleg t-shirts have hit the streets of Los Angeles with Jerry West’s, Magic Johnson’s and Kobe’s #24 jerseys celebrating three Laker dynasties. The curious thing about this celebratory tee, is no third dynasty, because Kobe’s Lakers have yet to win a championship (I hate to drive that fact home, but no one seems to get it). A dynasty contains multiple championships won within relatively a close span of time (see, Spurs, Pistons, etc). Fact of the matter is, there was a third Laker dynasty and it 0was during the years 2000 to 2003, when future Hall of Famer, Shaquille O’Neal lead the Lakers to three NBA titles and himself to three Finals MVP trophies. I marvel at how Laker loyalists or bandwagoners (your call) have completely forgotten the 7’2”, 345 pound man who played center for the Lakers and saved this franchise from the dark years (remember Del Harris, Cedric Ceballos era— I thought you could). There is a desperate need by Laker fans to see a Kobe and only Kobe lead the Lakers to another title. Forgive my ignorance, but James Naismith created a sport called basketball in 1891 centered around a concept that the team with the most points at the expiration of time wins the game, not the team with the ego-driven “2” guard, who wants people to say to him “you’re better than Michael Jordan” can only win. Call me crazy, but that definitely seems in conflict with Mr. Naismith’s original idea. In my opinion, all Kobe’s conditions, in which he needs to win are what have the Lakers down in this series now. Hear Kobe’s decree, “I want to win the NBA championship with the Los Angeles Lakers for a fourth time, while leading the team throughout the series in all statistical categories, the media will adoringly refer to the Lakers as “my team” and I will win the MVP trophy and get to speak first and last at the Victory parade, which I will lead in the late model Maserati, which Laker GM Mitch Kupchak will buy me for not leaving the team this past summer. Look, I think you get it—- Kobe’s wants a championship ring and title with conditions. In closing, a junkyard dog that wants steak instead of ground chuck is not as desperate as a junkyard dog, who just wants to eat. And trust me, Kobe, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce are hungry... and Doc Rivers is taking off the leashes.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUEMENT aka Black People Vote Too

We here at the Bastille welcome all like minds to contribute to our outlet and we have our first contributor, Brazilian expatriate, Mr. Lou Oumo.

Is it me or has the democratic primary gone on way too long? Why is it still going on? OK, beside the fact that news “factories” have nothing else to talk about. There is no real news. So they manufacture news. I’m willing to bet that some sick producer at one of the news “factories” was thanking the News Gods when the horrible events happened in Myramar, China or even the recent diagnosis of Ted Kennedy.

So, why is this thing still going on?

If the black guy were mathematically out of the race and the entitled white woman were winning, would this race still be going on?

Why is she using the “I do better with white blue collar men” argument? Hello entitled white woman! Blue collar white men have overwhelmingly voted republican since the Reagan Era. In November, you won’t win them!

Ok. Ok. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that she is “more electable”. Let’s just say the Super Delegates decide to disregard all pledged delegates and the primary process and decide to snatch the nomination from Barack Obama….

Wait. Before I go on with the “Let’s-just-say” scenario, here are two quick historical tidbits:

1. When John Kerry ran for office and LOST, his most loyal supporters were African Americans. When Al Gore “LOST” (notice the quotations marks) his most loyal supporters were African Americans. When Bill Clinton aka Slick Willie, (Inhale deeply This list is long (pun?) ) ran for office and won in 92 and 96, fought Ken Starr and the “Right Wing Conspiracy”, checked Monica Lewinsky’s tonsils but “did not have sexual relations with that woman”, left forensics on her dress, apologized, was impeached and left office under a shadow of shame, his most loyal supporters were AFRICAN AMERICANS. In fact, he moved his office to the African American “headquarters”- Harlem, of all places. That’s historical tidbit number one.

2. The second historical morsel is quick and very easy to understand. Up until the 1960’s, when JFK and Lyndon Johnson made one of the savviest political moves in generations by pushing the Civil Rights Act and as GOP made one of the biggest political blunders in generations by denouncing the Civil Rights Act, the African American vote had always gone overwhelmingly republican.

Now keep those tidbits in mind.

Where was I? Yes. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that Super Delegate Dems decide to snatch the nomination from Obama after he won more popular votes, won more states, PLAYED BY THE RULES, won more pledged delegates all while inspiring millions of first time voters to participate in the political process and enduring unrelenting scrutiny. The Dems won’t have to worry about the blue collar white male vote. They will have lost the most loyal constituency they have EVER had- African Americans.

Sure. Some African Americans would vote for Clinton. Some would not vote all. Some would write in Obama. Some would even vote for Nader or McCain. But the loyalty would be lost, leaving the GOP with an opening to perhaps add Condie Rice to the Republican ticket. Hmmm.

Yep. The Dems will have self destructed once again. But this time, it wouldn’t be Dukakis in a Bradley Tank. It wouldn’t be John Kerry “voting for it before voting against the war”. It wouldn’t even be forensics on a blue dress.

It would be two acts the Dems have always accused GOP of - HYPOCRISY and DISCLUSION. The 2008 African American is far more educated and sophisticated than the 1968 model. We will not be taken for granted and will definitely not be disregarded.

African Americans will interpret this slap in the face as the Dems saying, “You can vote for us. Raise money for us. But never, ever lead us.” Or in ol’ fashion terms “You can work with me, come to my house some times, but I will never work for you or allow you to date my daughter”

Finally, for the sake of argument, if this were to happen, the irony would be that the Dems would validate many of the views Rev Jeremiah Wright made in his incendiary sermons.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!