DICK GREGORY FOR PRESIDENT 2008

In recent weeks, since the Barack Obama/Reverend Jeremiah Wright “incident”, the fire in their ire of some Caucasians has been ignited, so to speak. I hear a number of level-headed people saying things like, “I don’t know about Obama now.” I couldn’t understand their feelings, until I recalled the old Native American adage, “Judge no man, until you walk a mile in his moccasins”. So while I have no makeup to pull an "Eddie Murphy", I just thought real hard about why Obama or for that fact, the idea of a black president would scare them.

If blacks were in the majority, that means for over two hundred, thirty-two years black men would have been in charge of America. That means forty-three black men would have held the office of the President of the United States (POTUS).

So here we are in opposite world, where for the first time in U.S. history a white man and a black woman are making a serious run for the office of POTUS. There have been white men and black women, who tried before but never in history has the public responded like this to their candidacies.

I’ve reasoned that the equivalent of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama in this world would be former U.S. Senators Carole Mosley Braun and John Edwards. Conservative black people and even the ones to the right and left of “the middle” would question them by saying or thinking things like “they’re smart, educated and have some experience, but are they really ready to run this country? You know, run it like a black man?" The reality of this country’s position on the global front would then sink in and they start thinking “President Jackson (George W. Bush) and Vice President Thomas (Cheney) are slipping. Jesse and Clarence are running the country and economy into the ground. That Braun chick or that Edwards guy can’t do any worse.” Then they look to the remaining black male candidate, the wise, old, Dick Gregory (John McCain) and catch themselves and say, “No. Dick Gregory can fix this quagmire and get America back on track. I know he’s old and recently asked the governor of New Mexico 'how did ABC feel about you running the state and doing your sitcom?', but still, if Dick can just win the election and live through the inauguration, Vice President Larry Elder (Joe Lieberman) can hold things down and make things right.”

So I wrap this up, by saying to those few Caucasian people, who are hesitant about placing a black man, a white woman or anybody other than a white man into the office of the POTUS. If a white woman or black man won this upcoming election, I assure you, that men will not be turned into the indentured servants of women and slavery will not be reinstated. And to those of you, who just can’t grasp this concept, “Gregory/Elder 08!”



Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

OKAY, SO I WASN’T IN THE SH**

I’ve heard some Vietnam vets use the term, “I was in the sh**”. When that term is used, you know these people were in something, so grisly that you do not want reminisce over it, but by making the statement, you know you and the other person have experienced somthing that no one really should. Let me be first to say, “I, Rusty Eagle, was not in the sh**, but I kind ofhave an idea what the sh** is”.

Recently, Democratic presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton has been speaking of how she is battled tested. She has cited in different speeches, a specific 1996 trip to Tusla, Bosnia. In the speeches she has spoken of how “they were doing corkscrew maneuvers to land the plane”, “there was supposed to be greeting ceremony at the airport, but as soon as they arrived, they had to duck and run to the car” and this was all due to “sniper fire”. CBS exposed her comments as to not be true with video footage of the trip, where she and Chelsea were doing the obligatory “handshake, smile & photo-op”. Mrs. Clinton responded to this as saying, “I misspoke.”

Misspoke? Again, I must say that I have never been in the sh**, but you would know if you have been in it. In college, my roommate and I were taking his visiting sister, out to dinner in Washington, DC. It was late April and the time was 6:32pm (I know because we were late for our dinner reservations) as we drove down a side street, where a liquor store on the approaching left corner. As we neared the establishment, where a “stop” sign stood, a young, black man in a yellow coat exited the liquor store and began to cross the street. This is a common happening, but what made this unique was how he produced a metal object from his pocket and aimed it back at the liquor store’s entrance. This entrance was exited by a .38 (known previously as the Saturday Night Special) wielding, Asian storeowner, who opened fire on the young man. As surreal as this was I kept moving towards the intersection, until reality struck in and the young man returned fire on the aging store keep. An old-fashioned gunfight then ensued in broad daylight, in the nation’s capital. I told my roommate and his sister to duck, as I placed the car in reverse and sped at least thirty yards to the other end of the block and safety. Once, safe, I looked up to find a bullet had hit my window and left a dime sized, mark. If that gun would have had more firepower, it would have surely struck my neck and I might be talking out the side of my mouth like Vice President Dick “F*** You” Cheney.

My point is, I still recall this incident vividly that happened to me in the mid-90’s and something I will never forget. YOU FORGET what you had for breakfast yesterday. YOU FORGET who won the Heisman Trophy in 2002. YOU FORGET the number to the Italian restaurant you like so much. YOU FORGET, who played pinch-hit for the Diamondbacks in the 4th game of the World Series. YOU FORGET, what level you left your car on. YOU FORGET the name of the water-head boy, who sat in front of you in high school Algebra. But you don’t ever – and I mean EVER forget ducking sniper fire with your only child and running to safety, in war-torn Bosnia. I am one to believe you don’t forget being in the sh** and Mrs. Clinton was in the sh**.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

HE TOOTS, HE TOKES, WHAT DOESN'T "DAYS INN" DAVE DO?

Newly appointed New York Governor David “Days Inn” Paterson (who could now be called "Dimebag") Dave felt he had some more purging to do. Paterson admitted during an interview with a New York television station that he tried cocaine "a couple of times" and marijuana "probably when I was about 20. I don't think I've touched marijuana since the late 70s.”. He also said, “His revelations have not hurt his popularity either. In a Siena Institute Poll released Monday, the institute found that 58 percent of polled voters view Paterson favorably, compared with 10 percent who see the new governor unfavorably.

David is an open book. I mean he can’t stop himself. He wants his people to know, “look here. I had some fun in my day and y’all need to know what’s up, so I govern without any hassle”. I have partied in my past, with no regrets and recall using the words. “man, it’s not like I’m ever running for public office”. I can just imagine Dave circa 1975 with a coke spoon and dimebag in hand. His college friend stops him and says to him, “Dave, you’re going to be running for public office un the future. You’re not going to be able to explain this one to the people.” Dave responds, “Aw man, nobody’s going to care about Blind Pimping Dave. I’m just going to be the lietenant governor. I’m going to float under the radar, baby. It’s not like the governor is going to get caught buying a** from some $4000 hooker and I’m going to have to take office.”

I’m thinking Dave’s whole method of operation is to purge himself and clean his skeleton closet so much, that the public becomes numb to Dave’s indiscretions. I mean what’s next in the Dave Paterson Skeleton parade? Our crack research team here at Diablo’s Bastille spoke with Governor Paterson and he released the list of following indiscretions that he feels the public should be privy to:

* Stole 153 paper reams as Harlem representative in the New York state senate
* Lost money on dog’s from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels
* Stole and sold uncooked chicken in Times Square, while employed as a team member of the Popeye’s Fried Chicken corporation
* Claims he “saw” the film “Iron Eagles” 19 times in a row after sneaking into a theater (all this was done at the age of 42)
* Facilitated a religion for 2 years called “Davidism” to help pay for law school
* Accidentally banged a sheep at the age of 12 on a trip to visit relatives in Mississippi
* Won money dog’s from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels
* Shot a man once to “watch” him bleed
* Literally took candy (Snickers Bar) from a baby
* Assisted in ‘putting down” dogs from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels with a fungo bat, a Phillips head screwdriver and a batch of spoiled mustard greens
*Slept with the late Esther Rolle

I for one feel cleansed now knowing that all the cards have been placed on the table, so Dave can govern the state of New York in peace. With the number of public figures recently being caught or indicted for discretions while in office I guess it is best. So this is it, at least I hope it is.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

WE KNOW ONE PERSON IN HIS FIVE

This just in, Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick (see man above in Steve Harvey attire) has been charged with perjury, which could carry up to 15 years’ imprisonment. It went down as follows:

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick…..was charged Monday with perjury and other counts after sexually explicit text messages surfaced that appear to contradict his sworn denials of an affair with a top aide. Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy also charged the popular yet polarizing 37-year-old mayor with obstruction of justice and misconduct in office. Former Chief of Staff Christine Beatty, 37, who also denied under oath that she and Kilpatrick shared a romantic relationship in 2002 and 2003, was charged with perjury and obstruction of justice.

Didn't we see this coming, when Kilpatrick was declared the "hip-hop mayor"? Didn't we see this coming, when Kilptrick started playing "Biggie" at his victory party? Did Kilpatrick really have to prove how black he really was? Was Kilpatrick "keeping it real" for his constituents? I don't know but he kept it real dumb with this jacka** move.

Standing 6'4', weighing about 290, Mayor Kilpatrick could have easily been mistaken for a hip-hop bodyguard, than the mayor of Detroit. The man was caught via the explicit, text messages he sent to his former aide. I can read the messages now, "Say girl why don't you come up to Kwame the Polka-Dotted (for you hip-hop heads) Mayor's office and give some p***y to this here Detroit mayor." Nothing but Big Pimpin' in Motown.

Welcome to the 21st century Kwame, where I might remind you, it's the 20th century in jail. Power corrupts and I guess thought he was the king of Detroit instead of the mayor of Detroit. I want to speak more on this, but I just heard the bits and pieces and while I don't have time to pontificate, I couldn't let this bit of stupidity pass without comment.

At this point I can only hope he was a mayor, who tried to improve the jails during his term, because if that tall drink of water goes to jail-- damn! he is going to have join the Black Muslims or the Mau-Maus or whatever jail clique will protect his big ass from harm's way.

To quote Homer J. Simpson"

"I hope the horrible stories I've heard about prison are not true."

Now follow me! follow me to freedom!

HOGHEAD CHEESE, FATBACK & OTHER DISPOSABLE ITEMS

In the 21st century and the supposed information age, where online porn is a billion dollar business, how come the most illiterate person can find a way to watch the most deviant of sex acts, but can't realize that Barack Obama is not a Muslim....

And on that note, with a billion dollar porn business, how come no one on earth seems to watch porn....

I can’t stand people, who go to the track and run in the opposite direction of other people. They can’t understand why the mother with the stroller is giving him the evil eye, or the old lady with the oxygen tank “flips” them off. It’s like they live their life to piss people off… why does Nic Cage keep doing movies like Ghostrider and The Wicker Man? Does this guy owe a vig to someone? I mean these films are sh** and he shamelessly does them. He’s not Olivier, but I know at one point this dude could act…

Why do rich people name their children odd names? I mean it’s cool to put in a press release and sh**, but do they not think of the repercussions the child must deal with. This puts the parents under a lot of pressure to keep making a lot of money to home school or put them in private school with other kids, who have fu***d up names. There’s Gwyenth Paltrow and her daughter Apple. Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 and their son, Seven. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis have daughters named Scout and Rumer. Nic Cage named his son Kal-El (yeah, Superman’s birth name). If little Kal had to attend to P.S. 13, somebody, who probably calls himself Kryptonite would drop the hammer on his ass…

Is American Idol still eating the bone marrow creativity or is it already dried up and gone? I just think when America’s talent and attention starved freaks stand outside convention centers and auditoriums to sing a few bars to a possibly, drug-addled, ex-pop star, a washed up music producer and a rude English guy – I think we’re moments away from locusts and pestilence.



Do Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian deserve all the attention they get for their sex tapes? I mean they are anonymous girls uploading way better stuff online everyday. Both Both Kim and Paris do not impress me at all and they handle the “microphone” like drunk Karaoke contestants.

What is it with Baby Boomer white people singing Motown songs in every romantic comedy? I mean they can’t let the song play, they always have to actually sing the song.

Am I just stupid or does death differ that much in Vegas, Miami and New York? Because I never saw the need for two more CSI shows.



While we’re talking about television, when are the powers that be going to admit with technology today, we could a much more accurate reading of television watching habits and there is no more need for the Nielsen ratings? I think the nature shows on the Discovery Channel would be pulling very big numbers. Everybody loves to see something in the wild get eaten alive. That type of sh** crosses racial, gender and religious divides.

And who buys those Peep marshmallow candies at Easter? Everyone I ask always says they hate them, yet they line the store shelves.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!