THE ORIGINAL PIMP CANE HAS PASSED

I have been exhausted with this election (as I believe you are too) and I would not put up anything just for you to waste your precious computer/check email time, but this loss was worth the return.

The Godfather of Rap, Petey Wheatstraw, Dolomite, Disco Godfather, Rudy Ray, The Human Tornado-- the list goes on and on, but I'm going to call him what his mama called him Rudolph Frank Moore. Born on March 17, 1927 in Arkansas, this man, who started a career in entertainment as an R & B singer and transitioned into "blue" comedy and recorded party albums (16 to be exact) like his contemporaries, Redd Foxx and Richard Pryor. Rudy's comedy exceeded Pryor and Foxx's in salaciousness and Rudy never achieved the success in TV and films that Foxx and Pryor did(which is something to say when you think about it). He did maintain a cult following with his rhyming and storytelling in the tradition of West Africa. Though more seemly and sexually themed than most West African folk tales, Rudy's tales and vivid characters built an audience that followed him to his film as he starred in numerous Kung-Fu, Blaxploitation films. That audience is still loyal today and many of these people are from the hip hop community, as Rudy Ray is credited with being "ground zero" for rapping. As recent as 2006, Snoop Dogg stated "if it weren't for Dolomite, there'd be no Snoop". I was lucky enough to meet Rudy Ray in 1995, in which he informed me he was escorting his mother to and performing at a church convention. As the look of incredulity came across my face, he promptly said, "The Human Tornado not only cusses, he cleans". And on that note, I ask you to enjoy the trailer to Rudy Ray's film debut in DOLOMITE.

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BILL MELENDEZ: THE MAN THAT BROUGHT SNOOPY TO LIFE

First Jerry Reed, than Don LaFontaine and today I sadly report that animator, Bill Melendez has passed on. If you are not familiar with his name, you've probably seen it in the credits after everyone of the Peanuts half hour holiday specials that he animated. While he worked many other places, Bill made his mark on society by making Charlie Brown, Snoopy (my personal favorite) and the Peanuts Gang comic strip come to life on TV.

An Oscar nominee and 8-time Emmy winner, Melendez was the only filmmaker Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz allowed to oversee the animated versions of Charlie Brown and Snoopy --- in 68 TV specials, four feature films and more than 372 commercials.

His Warner Bros. work included such classics as “Wabbit Twouble,” “Mouse Menace,” “What Makes Daffy Duck,” “What’s Up, Doc” and “Gerald McBoing Boing.”

His first directorial effort was 1965’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas (a special that still airs annually).” His last work was on 2006’s “He’s A Bully, Charlie Brown.”

Audiences should especially revere Melendez, the only adult among the Peanuts voice cast, because his vocalizations for Charlie Brown’s famous beagle (who managed to “talk” without words) were always so inspired. Enjoy Bill's work in this compilation of clips from Peanuts specials.

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THE VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED

Voiceover artist and film trailer legend, Don LaFontaine has passed on at 68 years old. This man has been heard for years, with his ominous voice in trailers dating back to The Godfather. Within the last few years he has stepped in front of the camera to do commercials for GEICO insurance. This man of small stature has caused a void in Hollywood that will be tough to fill. In world where, voices can make you go to a film... Don will be truly missed.

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THE SNOWMAN HAS BEEN MELTED

Country & Western singer, Jerry "Snowman" Reed has passed on. While I am not a country and western music fan, I learned of Jerry in the popular 70's "Smokey and the Bandit" films about bootleggers. Jerry played the truck driver, the Snowman, who hauled the contraband while Burt "Bandit" Reynolds ran interference between the haul and Jackie "Smokey" Gleason. For those, who remember the era enjoy Jerry singing the "Smokey and the Bandit" theme song, "East Bound and Down". I know what you're saying, "Gee Rusty, this is weird". Well , welcome to the Bastille.

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THE SCARIEST THOUGHT EVER

I always have thought that a room full of Klansman would be the most horrifying sight in life to me, but I stand corrected. These two right here scare the living hell out of me more because I know that one slip in the shower and the hockey mom aka the pitbull with lipstick (her words not mine) will have her hands on the button. Hear me now, I don't care about having a woman or mother being in the White House, but I care about a person, who is a pro-life, gun supporting, conservative, hunter, who loves John McCain and his warmongering ways, being in the White House. I care about a woman, who is encouraging her son, who has enlisted in the army to join the "fight for freedom" in Iraq, that is based on a falsehood (remember Weapons of Mass Destruction). I have no doubt there are Republican grumblings that there are more qualified women to be his running mate than Sarah Palin. I am no fan of hers, but I am one to believe that Condoleeza "Deezie" Rice, while not a governor, is more qualified than Palin by leaps and bounds to be vice-president. What bumps me about the choice of Sarah Palin, is she spoke to the Republican National Convention and didn't give reasons to vote for her ticket, she gave reasons to vote against Obama-Biden. Tell us Tina Fey--Who are you? Who are you mysterious killer of caribou and soon to be grandmother? I'll tell you who she is. She could be the end of us all, if Grampa Simpson wins and doesn't make it to the end of his term.

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THERE'S A HOLE IN THE BUCKET, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA

In the wake of the Hurricane Gustav, my hometown of New Orleans missed another disaster by very little. This time around the refurbished levees withstood the waters from this category 2 hurricane, though there was a small crack in a private levee (which I have never heard of such in my life). The country and more importantly the Republicans can breathe a sigh of relief (at least until next week because Tropical Storm Hanna is making her way towards the east coast). I guess it's too late for this Republican administration to realize you can't repair a leaking dike with a piece of tape. The moment after Katrina-- I mean the levee breaches flooded New Orleans, goverment on the federal, state and local levels should have made plans to build real levees like the ones in the Netherlands. In my lifetime, I never knew of these type of levees until Hurricane Katrina. As a child in New Orleans, you know that you live in a bowl and the perfect storm could flood the city. You know that New Orleans sits at 30 Lattitude and 90 degrees Longitude. Why? Because you know how to track a hurricane before you hit 2nd grade. You know that the small hills with the cement block walls atop them in your backyard are supposed to protect the city from flooding. As evidenced in aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the latter is not so true.
I figure that somewhere in the money used to rebuilding of Iraq (the country that we initially tore down on a false premise) or those billions sent to Iraq that couldn't be accounted for a year ago, a little of this scrilla could be set aside to protect one of this country's largest and most important ports. I'd like to think, at the least, the Repubs could find some kind of money to protect and thank the town that has probably given them so much back, as far as the chance to waddle in drunken debauchery. I mean you can't believe that former Repub Senator David Vitter was the only one getting his groove on, but I digress. We here at Bastille just wanted you guys to know that just because New Orleans survived, doesn't mean it's safe. I know what you're thinking, "Hey Rusty, that's not too funny." And no, it isn't.

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THREE BLACK CRABS IN A BARREL

Tavis "Self-Proclaimed Leader of Black Folks" Smiley will not stop. After a historic night in Denver at the Democratic National Convention, this self righteous, wannabe leader has found a way to still talk bad about Barack Obama with two academics that I had previously respected, Dr. Cornel "What's with the Scarf In Summer" West and the president of Bennett College, Julianne Malveaux. These three got together on Tavis' half hour "whine & cheese" show AKA The Tavis Smiley Show and complained about what Barack Obama didn't say in his 42 minute Democratic nomination acceptance speech at Invesco Field. They mentioned how he didn't speak about Dr. King and how Barack reduced him to just "a preacher from Georgia". Hadn't every media outlet already spoken of the King "I Have A Dream" speech connection? Did he really need to repeat the obvious, so Malveaux could be pleased? Malveuax then responded to Tavis' very, callous, "so much hype... did Obama deliver?" comment by saying to him, "Not at all and quite actually her heart was broken". Malveaux then spoke with glowing kudos of the speeches by Hillary and Bill Clinton. Malveaux continued that Jesse Jackson has been very gracious about passing the "baton" on to Barack Obama. Is that not the man, who wanted to "cut the nuts off" Barack Obama a few weeks ago? If that's "passing the baton", Julianne, you can keep it. Well, Julie, if your heart was broken, you're breaking my heart right now. Dr. West then complained of how Obama didn't speak about poverty in his speech. Cornel West is a man, who recently stated in an interview that "Lil' Wayne is an intelligent brother" (if you don't know Lil' Wayne just topped the music charts with an ode to receiving fellatio titled, "Lollipop" and has previously gone to rehab for an addiction to cough syrup). I know Cornel is trying to keep his street cred with the hip-hop community, but he is really pushing it and I must take his comments with not a grain of salt, but an entire salt lick. It is amazing how these so-called highly educated people cannot grasp the concept that Barack Obama is not running for the title of "Leader of All Blacks" (a moniker presently held by a recurring guest on the Howard Stern Radio Show), but President of the United States, which includes white people and people of many other ethnicities. In a country where we are not the majority, not even the largest minority, you cannnot expect this man to layout the agenda for Black America, while trying to become leader of America. And even with what Senator Obama has achieved in this historic race, racism is not dead, there are still people out there, who will not vote for a black man just because he is black and the race is not complete until a Tuesday night in early November and John McCain has called Barack Obama congratulating him on his historic win. Malveaux and West tarnish and severly damage their images with this nitpicking on Obama's every word. They are no better than the 24 hour news cycles that daily pick apart and translate people's words to their gain. Tavis Smiley should be ashamed that he is still trying to piss on Obama's parade after his first attempt failed during the Democratic primary. I read once that "Critics are people, who sit on a hill and watch a war. And when it's over they go down and kill all the surviviors." Watch this clip above and see these three unload a few clips on Barack Obama. I have heard that the blue crab has become an endangered species, but tell me when the black crab is endangered, so I can look forward to their extinction.

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KNOCKED UP

The Republican Party's attempt to retain control of The White house gets funnier and funnier as the days pass. With Hurricane Gustav tearing down on the Gulf Coast, Bush and Cheney decided to not attend the Republican convention in Minnesota and be available for the people of the region (gee I wonder why). McCain decided to curtail some of the events during the convention out of respect to the people of the Gulf Coast (maybe he won't celebrate his birthday this time if flooding occurs). But the most recent and interesting development is how Alaskan Governor and Republican Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin has had to rebut some egregious, rumors that she has claimed to have a 4 month old daughter to cover up the fact that it was her 17 year old daughter, Bristol's baby. Sarah has stated that it is the furthest from the truth because Bristol is in fact five months pregnant with her own bundle of joy. I guess those long stretches of darkness in Alaska, always makes "the night time the right time to be with the one you love". Is Grampa Simpson nuts? First he picks a woman, who just two years ago was mayor of a town of 7,000 people. That's like running two large high schools. And now the pro-life former beauty queen runner up self proclaimed hockey mom is popping up with an unmarried, knocked up, teenage daughter (note: she and the father are going to get married). I honestly don't find this to be an issue, but didn't the Republicans try to run Bill Clinton out of office for so-called "immoral" behavior? This just gets better and better, everyday. The only thing that could make this better is if that child comes out of the oven black.

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GRAMPA SIMPSON PICKS TINA FEY AS HIS RUNNING MATE

Grampa Simpson lived up to his Maverick moniker by choosing Alaska Governor, Sarah "Tina Fey" Palin as his Republican running mate in his run for the big house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I applaud McCain for a smart, but desperate choice. It was smart in the sense, he knew after Barack Obama's acceptance speech that Mitt Romney or Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty would not be a pin prick in the "balloon of success" that was Barack Obama last night. That is also why this choice smells of desperation. She is virtually unknown, except by the Alaskans, who voted her into the Governor's Igloo in 2006. On the surface, she is great, being a former mayor, former sportscaster, beauty queen, self-proclaimed hockey mom and mother of five (the youngest being 4 months old). McCain is counting on this move to capture those Hillary disciples, who were voting for her only because she had a uterus and not her policies. In my opinion that is nothing less than condescending to those voters (unless it works, then he'll be a genius and I'll be moving to Canada). McCain has done nothing during his campaign but speak of Obama's inexperience and not being ready to lead, but he nominates this unknown woman to be his second as leader of the free world. He will be definitely taken to task by the press (not FOX News) on this choice. Now I am not downing Palin's being the governor of Alaska (I haven't been a governor in my lifetime), but what is she really leading up in Alaska? A large land mass state with a so-so population and a lot of wildlife. Last time I checked that wasn't caribou storming into Georgia, and those are not badgers trying to restart the Cold War. Not to mention there were many Republican women, McCain could've picked before her that had more prominent profile than a Facebook page and an Alaskan driver's license. With Grampa Simpson making 72 years old today (and not looking very spry), if he were to by some chance in hell win the presidency, Palin would need to NEVER turn off her Blackberry and always have the "World War lll for Dummies" book on her person. As the dust settles and the flash bulbs dim, the hyena like pundits will tear into her like they did Barack Obama and see what she is made of. Over the next two months for Palin, the press will do in two months to her what they did to Obama over 20 months and all McCain can do is pray that she is "ready-to-lead". And if they don't win the White house, she's always got a stand in job at "30 Rock".

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THE LIGHTNING BOLT HAS STRUCK...TWICE

In the majesty of the Olympics, I cannot deny the greatness of Michael Phelps and his attaining a gold medal and breaking a world record every time he comes in the mere vicinity of the Water Cube in Beijing. But greatness on the ground was attained by one Usain "Lightning" Bolt of the Jamaican track and field team. At 6'5", 189 and the mere age of 22, Usain has won the gold medals in the 100 meter and 200 meter races. This is a feat that has not been accomplished since 1984 at Los Angeles summer games, by USA track staple, Carl Lewis. In addition he broke the world records in both events on the way to these gold medals. In winning the 100 meters, he ran a 9.69, but he was so caught up in excitement of the win to acknowledge the crowd, he slowed down in the last fifteen meters. Understand he was shifting down in speed, as he crossed the finish line and destroyed the world record. We can only imagine what a more mature Usain will do in 2012 at the London Summer Olympics.

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JUST QUICK A REMINDER

Chucklepuss is still the President of the United States. This former drunken, frat boy, who has coasted through this life, only because of his father and grandfather's influence (see decepetion, lies & illegal doings), is still the leader of the free world. The former failed oil man, who has ballooned the national deficit into the trillions, repeatedly hacked at the English language like a blind Benihana chef, let an American city drown for five days and sent over four thousand soldiers to their death, is still running things. In his seven years at the helm, President Chucklepuss has alienated the majority of the world and most recently the new and improved Russia. There are those neo-cons, conservatives and Uncle Tom Black Republicans, who will say this is a cheap shot. Well, let me state that it is. But answer me this, is a cheap-shot to a murderer, really a cheap shot? Take the next three minutes to watch the above video and remind yourself of the man, who lead the United States into the 21st century and quite possibly it's ruin. Talk amongst yourselves.

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YOU! STEP AWAY FROM THE FAME

Later this month 80's pop icons Madonna and Michael Jackson hit 50 years old. Yes, the former child pop sensation, who made the smooth transition from bubblegum soul to adult success to grade A freak is hitting the big 5-0. Michael or Wacko Jacko (as he is called across the pond) found solo success with the albums "Off the Wall" and "Thriller", which is the best selling record of all time. He will be joined in the celebration at Chuck E. Cheese by The Material Girl.

Yes, Madonna has made the transition from a techno caterwauling, everybody fu**ing, self-promoting harlot into a crotchety, Kabbalah-following, british speaking, children's author and mother. With an idiot president waging war on two countries and possibly another on the way I realized one thing. I don't think it's actually possible to care any less about two people, who should slowly loosen their grip on fame's lifeboat and slowly fall into the abyss, like Jack from Titanic.

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METAPHORS FROM OFF THE WIRE 2

As I've mentioned before in The Bastille, "Many metaphors for life can be found in the critically acclaimed HBO drama, "The Wire". The following situation is no different.

As of Friday, August 8th, in accordance with the global peace being spread all over Beijing, China at the opening ceremonies of the 2008 Summer Olympics, Russia stampeded into the little country of Georgia (a former member of the Soviet Union). Georgia is a small democracy of 4.4 million people, that is a member of the U.N. and the infamous Coalition Of The Willing (COTW), that's helping the US in it's daily destruction of Iraq, for reasons still unknown. Since, there has been a cease fire by Russia and less than 24 hours later, a subsequent UN-cease fire, so Russia is backing to kicking ass. I liken Georgia to Bodie, the loyal middle middle management drug dealer in the Barksdale drug crew. President George "Chucklepuss" Bush and the U.S. represent the long respected Barksdale crew, who is steadily losing it's reputation in the streets to new crews, like the deadly Marlo Stansfield's crew, who is the new bigger and better, Russia.

Now as a member of the COTW, Georgia was protecting the Iraq border from those rabble-rousers in Iran, like Bodie holding down a Baltimore corner for the Barksdale crew. Georgia only left their post, to return to Georgia and protect their homeland. So if Iran wanted (the country to, whom Chucklepuss keeps saber-rattling) they could roll on Iraq with reckless abandon. Georgia moved into the world of democracy and aligned themselves with the United States and President Chucklepuss, who seduced the Georgians with the promise of a strong ally and protection from neighboring countries that may decide to go apesh** on them for no apparent reason at any time(see Russia 2008). In any other case, I would now expect the U.S. to be running into Russia guns-a-blazing, but supposedly we can't do that now, because Georgia is not a part of NATO. I don't know, haven't we been in a war with Iraq since 2003? And we didn't have any regards for the U.N. then. As a matter of fact, the Bush Crime fami-- I mean administration had no regards for the US Constitution or the UN, when we went into Iraq to find 9/11 perpetrator, Saddam Hussein (see Osama Bin Laden still at large). Suddenly we are supposed to believe that Chucklepuss has regards for rules. I think not. Now Georgia has staunchly played by the rules is now looking for their protection, particularly from Chucklepuss, who can now only give Russia a stern talking about large countries bullying little ones (where have I heard that one before? I think you know). Now don't get me wrong, I don't want to go into Russia, but right is right, if we are the so-called poster children for democracy and prepared to stop tyranny across the planet(then again if that were so, we'd be in the Sudan stopping that genocide). Georgia now feels helpless-- helpless as Bodie did, when Stringer Bell couldn't give him any more muscle to hold down their corners and sell weak ass product, despite the increasing heat from Marlo Stanfield's crew. Stansfield's crew were the new kids on the block, who took advantage of this chinc in the Barksdale armor, by having no regards for the history, rules or codes of the street. Watch the clip up top and recall Bodie's last stand for Avon Barksdale, for it may be a harbinger of Georgia's near future.

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HEAVEN IS A WHOLE LOT FUNKIER TOO

Just a day after we lost the talent that was Bernie Mac, we lost musician, soul pioneer, actor and legend, Isaac Hayes. As I said, with Bernie Mac, at this point you know the cause of death and the resume of Hayes. I just ask you to view this 1973 live version of Hayes singing Burt Bacharach's, "The Look of Love". He was much more than the theme from "Shaft", though I can't deny it still stands tall today on radio playlists. So, chain vest and all, please enjoy the voice and musicianship of the man they called Black Moses AKA Chef, performing LIVE in concert (there is no pre-recorded backing tape).

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HEAVEN IS A WHOLE LOT FUNNIER

A true talent died this past weekend and his name was Bernie Macullough AKA The MACMAN. You knew him by his stage name Bernie Mac. This man truly paid his dues for many years on the roads and in the comedy clubs. In recent years his talent was recognized has been able to enjoy the fame and lifestyle that a talent like his truly deserved. I will not go through the usual cause of death and resume rundown. I will just ask you to watch the set on Def Comedy Jam that put him into the conscious of Black America and the rest as they say, is history.

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NATURAL BORN KILLER

Journey with me/Into the mind of a maniac/Doomed to be a killer/Since I came out the nutsac/I'm in a murderous mindsate With a heart full of terror/ I see the devil in the mirror/BUCK BUCK, Lights out Cause when I get my sawed off/ Niggaz get hauled off
Dr. Dre's lyrics from "Natural Born Killaz"

President Bush could have commuted the death sentence of Ronald A. Gray, a former Army cook convicted of multiple rapes and murders. But Bush decided Monday that Gray's crimes were so repugnant that execution was the only just punishment. Bush's decision marked the first time in 51 years that a president has affirmed a death sentence for a member of the U.S. military. It was the first time in 46 years that such a decision has even been weighed in the Oval Office.

Gray, 42, was convicted in connection with a spree of four murders and eight rapes in the Fayetteville, N.C., area between April 1986 and January 1987 while he was stationed at Fort Bragg. He has been on death row at the U.S. Disciplinary Barracks at Fort Leavenworth, Kan., since April 1988."While approving a sentence of death for a member of our armed services is a serious and difficult decision for a commander in chief, the president believes the facts of this case leave no doubt that the sentence is just and warranted," White House press secretary Dana Perino said. "The president's thoughts and prayers are with the victims of these heinous crimes and their families and all others affected," she said.

President Kennedy was the last president to stare down this life-or-death decision. On Feb. 12, 1962, Kennedy commuted the death sentence of Jimmie Henderson, a Navy seaman, to confinement for life. President Eisenhower was the last president to approve a military execution. In 1957, he approved the execution of John Bennett, an Army private convicted of raping and attempting to kill an 11-year-old Austrian girl. He was hanged in 1961.Under current military rules, such executions would be carried out by lethal injection. Gray was held responsible for the crimes he committed in both the civilian and military justice systems.

In civilian courts in North Carolina, Gray pleaded guilty to two murders and five rapes and was sentenced to three consecutive and five concurrent life terms. He then was tried by general court-martial at the Army's Fort Bragg. There he was convicted in April 1988 and unanimously sentenced to death.

The court-martial panel convicted Gray of:

*Raping and killing Army Pvt. Laura Lee Vickery-Clay of Fayetteville on Dec. 15, 1986. She was shot four times with a .22-caliber pistol that Gray confessed to stealing. She suffered blunt force trauma over much of her body.

*Raping and killing Kimberly Ann Ruggles, a civilian cab driver in Fayetteville. She was bound, gagged and stabbed repeatedly, and had bruises and lacerations on her face. Her body was found on the base.

*Raping, robbing and attempting to kill an army private in her barracks at Fort Bragg on Jan. 3, 1987. She testified against Gray during the court-martial and identified him as her assailant. Gray raped her and stabbed her several times in the neck and side. The victim suffered a laceration of the trachea and a collapsed or punctured lung.

As a true opponent of the death penalty, let me be the first to say, "This negro deserved to die." What he did was heinous and I could care less about him. But having said that, I can't help but look at that person, who handed down this execution order.... George "Chucklepuss" Bush AKA The Texas Executioner. I am floored by the so-called Man of God, who hands out death like a dirty old man, handing candy out at a playground. Chucklepuss is known for holding the national record for handing down the most executions, while Governor of Texas, with a total of 113... yes you read that correctly, 1-1-3. Just hours before Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast in 2005, Chucklepuss assured the authorities of the Gulf Coast region that the United States government, would be there for them. There were a total of 1,836 deaths due to the flooding of the city because of the levee breach, which, if it had been maintained properly, by the U.S. Government, may have never happened. Today as of August 2008, the Iraq war has produced, since Chuckles', infamous MISSION ACCOMPLISHED declaration, 3986 deaths and since the actaul "war" began on March 19th, 2003 it has a total of 4,125 and no telling how many we could count with Iraqi civillians. But for now let's just be selfish pricks and count American deaths. So as of today, July 31st, 2008, between the never-ending Iraqi War, Hurricane Katrina and Chucklepuss' time in Texas, Chucklepuss has placed the blood of 6,074 people on his hands. No priest would hear that confession. And now no one-- especially that sell out, Nancy "Scared to Impeach" Pelosi, won't even lift a finger to attempt and prosecute him for war crimes. Up top I have a video from Vincent Bugliosi, the man, who prosecuted, Charles Manson has written a book, titled, "The Prosecution of George W. Bush of Murder". Vincent's words are quite interesting. Give it a watch. Now I ask, you, who is the real killer?

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DEEZIE GETS HER NEO-CON ON

Secretary of State, Condoleeza "Deezie" Rice is, back in the news from shoe shopping and getting her Republican on. In an effort to impress President Chucklepuss and the Republican party, she issued the following mandate the night before presumptive Democratic nominee Sen. Barack Obama left for a tour of US bases overseas in Afghanistan, Iraq and Western Europe: All US missions are forbidden from holding events for presidential candidates or arrange meetings for them. (i.e., don't help that ni**er, Barack in any way)

How ironic? There are only two nominees left in the U.S. Presidential race and she sticks it to Barack Obama. Deezie issued no such mandates during previous trips made by presumptive Republican nominee John "Grampa Simpson" McCain. You'd think that Deezie would have issued this while there were a few more candidates in the race, so it wouldn't be so transparent. But she does this right after Grampa raises living hell about Obama not visiting the Middle East. McCain's campaign made such a fuss, they even kept a public count on how many days it had been since he visited. I guess Deezie wasn't so proud of the first African American becoming a U.S. presidential nominee, as she has stated after Hilary conceded. I totally understand loyalty, but loyalty is something that occurs, when it is reciprocated. I find it amazing that, Deezie, one of those most invisible Secretary of State's in U.S. history, will still do for the administration that has basically "castrated" her power from day one and used her as nothing but a token. Deezie, I hope that your allegiance is rewarded with a well paying, society destroying job in the private sector (like so many other Neo-cons) after this administration is over. If not, with a name like Condoleeza, there's always a hot comb at some hair salon with your name on it. So to you, I say, "Press on, 'guuuurlfriend".

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DOES ANYTHING HAVE TO BE SAID?

Like I said a few days ago, I understand satire, but you can't give people that much credit for intelligence, as displayed by this asshole, so-called clothes designer.

A 25-year-old New York City graduate student is threatening to sue a T-Shirt designer after being assaulted for wearing one of his designs.

The woman bought a $69 shirt from Apollo Braun's Manhattan boutique that bore the words, "Obama is my slave." When she wore the shirt on Tuesday, four teenage girls accosted her - shoving her, pulling out her earphones, and spitting in her face, according to the New York edition of Metro News.

The unnamed woman is reportedly seeking solace by suing Braun - born Doron Braunshtein - for "all he's got," the designer claims. He, of course, is shirking any responsibility for the incident and says that the shirt reflects the views of "ordinary WASPs."

“For a lot of people, when they see Obama, they see a slave. People think America is not ready for a black president,” the Israeli-born designer said.

“I can’t stand Obama,” Braun says, but claims that it's not because the candidate is black. “That’s the only thing I like about him. He opens the door for other minorities.”

“He reminds me of Adolf Hitler,” Braun explained, adding he does not like the Illinois senator because “he is a Muslim” — a myth that Obama apparently cannot escape.

The designer has sold several other anti-Obama styles from his boutique, including shirts with slogans such as “Jews Against Obama,” “Obama = Hitler” and “Who Killed Obama?”

This is what I mean, people need to think about the political climate we live in. I and many people can dismiss this ignorance, but there are those, who now believe their feelings and agendas are validated by acts like this. I can't give any more of this ignorance my attention.

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YOU SAY SATIRE, I SAY STUPID

SATIRE: A manner of writing that mixes a critical attitude with wit and humor in an effort to improve mankind and human institutions

That's what most defendants of the most recent New Yorker magazine cover that has Barack Obama dressed in traditional Muslim garb giving his wife, Michelle, dressed like civil rights activist, Angela Davis, with rifle, bandelero and fatigues, the 'terroist fist bump' (as it was said by the responsible reporters at FOX). The New Yorker's editor, David Remnick seemed shocked by the backlash. “Our cover … combines a number of fantastical images about the Obamas and shows them for the obvious distortions they are,” he said in a statement. I totally understand satire, because during the height of nastiness of the Democratic Primary between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama The New Yorker had a cover with the two candidates in bed at 3 AM (see photo), reaching for the phone. I am very surprised that tthere was no uproar about that cover.

I have no ill will towards, Mr. Remnick, I just believe that he wasn't thinking or he lives in a very insulated world, if he believes everyone would get the 'sly humor or satire' in the illustration, like the Central Park West crowd would. Mr. Remnick should have thought, that Senator Obama is the first black presidential nominee in U.S. history. And with the title comes a lot of extraneous and redundant questioning that usually comes from those white working class voters, who are usually resistant to the idea of a black president no matter how qualified he is. Mr. Remnick should have thought that those same voters would not look at this cover fairly and impartially and say, "My God, this illustration of obvious distortions is such a witty play on the conservative media's utterly ridiculous perception of the Obamas." No Mr. Remnick should have thought these voters are going to say, "I told you that nigger was a Muslim. And his rebellious wife gave him that secret handshake the terroists use to signal they're blowing up stuff tonight. I'm telling you can't trust him in office." An exaggeration you say, but this is also a country that voted George W. Bush into a second term (after a horrible first one), because "a wartime president needs to have the chance to complete the war he started (and look where that got us). In the over forty something elections for the Preseident of the United States not one nominee, except Barack Obama, has been steadily questioned about his religious creed and 'who he really is". We are four months away from this election and live in an instant information society. There is no God forsaken reason to not know the basics about Barack Obama. If a person says, "I don't know who he is", at this point, it's only code for 'I don't know if I can vote for a black person." I am not for censoring, but I am for thinking. If a mocking picture of John McCain as Father Time was on their cover-- oh wait, he is Father Time. M point is people can get over the mocking of age, most can see the absurdity and move on. But to mock Obama's loyalty to the country, which is what that traditional Muslim garb does and so does Michelle's AK-47. Not to mention the infamous 'fist bump', which in most black circles and neighborhoods is called 'giving each other a pound' as it was in the early ninties, when it started. But now due to conservative media ignorance and just plain old being late and corny, 'giving a pound has been turned into covert communication for Middle Eastern terrorists, who want their virgins now. Word to the wise and not so wise (see FOX channel), if you do not totally understand a cultural thing, do not comment on it,as though you do (again see FOX News).

No Mr. Remnick, I understand satire and I don't believe Barack is to be covered in teflon, but I expect you to not bet on the masses his country of being able to decipher things such as your cover without being spoonfed. No, I am not asking you to not be funny. No, I am not asking you to play into partisan politics. No, I am asking you to realize the politcal landscape for which we are on right now and not play into the ignorant voter's worst fears. Because those fears are flimsily, premised, in not the facts, but what some people want to believe. Now I think I'll go to the gym and scare all the white people, who live in fear.

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THE "NUTS" ARE IN HIS MOUTH

"The question is moot."
"Hymietown"
"I will not eat green eggs and ham."

Quotes from the Reverend Jesse Jackson in his illustrious public speaking career.

The Reverend Jesse "What Does He Put On His W-2?" Jackson put metaphorical "nuts" and his foot in his mouth yesterday. During a break on an appearance on FOX News' The O'Reilly Report, Rev. Jesse made the comments, "Barack is talking down to black folks on faith-based initiatives... I want to cut his nuts off." First, I must comment that Jesse was angry that Obama commented to a black church on Father's Day, on how we have young men creating babies and not taking care of them. Well, Jesse, has taken this wrong as he usually does. Because it's true. Jesse wants Obama to state what his administration will do to help correct this problem. Jesse needs to get off the "help me" bandwagon. I would never say that it's not the government's responsibility to not help in some way, but it can't help out totally. There has to be a point when humans take some responsibilty to for their actions. I said HUMANS because Jackson doesn't realize that though Barack Obama was talking to a black church, he was talking to the country of young men of all ethnicities. Though black men are disproportiantely fathering babies out-of-wedlock, numbers wise there are more white men doing this and more white babies being taken care of by the American government. Jesse Jackson has yet to realize that Barack Obama is running for president of the United States of America, not the United States of Black America. If Jesse realized that in 1984 he may have won more than the state of South Carolina.

Since, his comments, Jackson has apologized. I just believe that threatening to castrate the possible future president is really going to hurt Jesse's cut of the money for his church. I mean can you imagine the deacons and the head of the ladies auxiliary, Miss Coleen, waiting in Jesse's office to "talk" to him. "We could've finally marked off that damn building fund sign out front and you go threatening possibly the first black president. Dr. King and your out-of-wedlock daughter are just beaming with pride about this one, Rhyme-master."

I wonder, how a man, who has spent years in the limelight and knows what a 'hot mic' is, makes such a mistake. Was it his way of passively aggressively speaking to Barack about faith based initiatives? Was it Jesse's dumb ass way of trying to stay relevant in a world, where his rhymes don't work like they did back in the day? Was it the old guard showing that he lost his edge? Was it Jesse's crafty way of getting those tough-to-crack, "blue collar, working white voters" to side with Obama through their ongoing detest of Jackson? Nah, Jesse isn't that smart. The be quite honest, the question may never be answered. But I can say this, at this moment in time, Jesse's life of civil rights fighting, presidency running, daredevil linguistics, hostage negotiating and Dr. Suess reciting has reduced his final epitath to thewo rds, "cut his nuts off". And in turn, he has cut off the nuts of his political legacy.

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UNCLE JESSE HAS PASSED ON

Former Republican Sen. Jesse Helms, a leading conservative from North Carolina who served five terms in the Senate before retiring in 2003, has died, CNN said. He was 86. Helms, a blunt-talking product of the Old South, was known as "Senator No" for opposing just about anything that obstructed his conservative view of the world.

There are those, who may disagree, but Jesse clearly was not a fan of any person, place or thing of color (i.e. - see racist), as shown in his views or votes in the senate. In 1990 former Charlotte Mayor and African American, Harvey Gannt ran against Helms for his senatorial seat. Gannt asked basketball superstar and sneaker shill, Michael "Air" Jordan, at the height of his popularity for an endorsement. In which Jordan remained neutraly, by stating, "Republicans buy sneakers too." After realizing the err of his statement he stated, "if he had had more time review Gannt's policies, he may have endorsed him". If you couldn't endorse Gannt's policies, you could have opposed Helms' policies. Policies that probably would have had policies that would've kept people like Jordan (see black) impoverished and disenfranchised. But I digress, this is about the late Senator Helms, whose conservative views have done so much to slow down racial progress in America. So to Jesse, we bid you farewell.

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YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

President Chucklepuss has lifted economic sanctions on North Korea and the 'axis of evil', because officials have supposedly turned over long-awaited, accounting of their nuclear work (I'll believe it, when I see it). I mention this presidential smokescreen because it's these type of benign acts that keep our eyes away from what's really going on. Dubai, home to banks that funneled over one hundred thousand dollars 9/11 funds to Al-Quida and a once barren desert, is a now thriving society that could rival New York City. Now I can't pinpoint where this money is coming from, but I have a serious notion that the Iraq War (Occupation-- or whatever it's called today) is being paid for with American tax dollars. As our economy tailspins towards third world status, Haliburton, Dick Cheney's personal 401K plan, has built a new headquarters in Dubai with thoughts of stimulating the American economy. Because if I want to stimulate United States' economy the first thing I should always do is move the company's headquarters over five thousand miles away from a struglling workforce-- SYKE. People don't notice, but I do. The Bush family has kept a strong bond with the Royal Saudis in the United Arab Emirates dating back to the first Gulf War as headed under then president George Herbert Walker Bush and as far past as post 9/11. To those who still for some reason believe in George W. Bush, I implore you to truly see that pothole you think is getting filled with your tax dollars is really a resort being built for the rich and famous.

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IT'S A CELEBRATION...B****ES?

As Reverend Al Green engaged a mutli-generational crowd with his staple "Let's Stay Together, before he received the BET Awards Lifetime Achievement Award, I had feelings of ambiguity. Why you ask? Because as much as I am happy to see a high end production from the BET Awards show, during commercial breaks it's still promoting nothing but it's knock offs of MTV shows like Baldwin Hills and Hell Date. Two shows that show the world, spoiled rotten black kids and a dating show with a midget dressed like the devil. I must admit they slipped in a commercial for their first scripted show called "Somebodies". Was it enough to gather viewers? I don't know. Will it be any good? I really don't know, but at least we can't judge before it's first airing like "Hot Ghetto Mess".

Bob "Nigga Jim" Johnson sold BET and mayb his soul to Viacom for a billion dollars a few years back. With this sale, I've seen nothing, but an upping of production values but not the content. It uses a slicked out package to sell me something that's not good for me. The late publisher, John Johnson started the first black publications of EBONY and JET magazines in the mid 1950's and they are still in business. And throughout the years the JET Beauty of the Week could be the only example of exploitation and that is a stretch. It is great to see all this black talent and Lil' Wayne (that jab is another day, another entry) on the same stage, but I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, you have to entertain, but just because somebody else does something doesn't mean we have to do it (i.e., "if your friend jumps off a bridge-- I think you know the rest). And I would never say to not be edgy, because as you know we here are fans of THE WIRE, but don't be edgy without a purpose. It has been said by Russell Simmons that he went to BET with Def Jam Comedy first, but they turned him down. HBO picked it up and created a brand, while bringing a generation of comedians to the world, including Chris Tucker, Bernie Mac and Martin Lawrence. Possibly Ed Simon could have gone to BET with the Emmy winning mini-series The Corner and the critcally acclaimed The Wire. Possibly BET would be known as a network of quality programming if they would stop aping the programming of it's MTV mothership under the Viacom umbrella and be original. Quite possibly it may be known as more than MTV Black.

Just because you put crap on china doesn't make it filet mignon. Sadly, BET reminds me of a 90's malt liquor commercial, in how they used rappers to get you to buy their rotgut. Remember Ice Cube, "St. Ides is giving ends!" Since then Cube has learned better as have I and my youthful drinking habits, but BET.... not so much.

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HERE WE GO AGAIN

Don "The Cryptkeeper" Imus is at it again and showing what must be his true colors.

During an on-air conversation Monday about the arrests of suspended Dallas Cowboys cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones, Imus asked, "What color is he?"

Told by sports announcer Warner Wolf that Jones is "African-American," Imus responded: "There you go. Now we know."


Now I believe there is not much more to question about the Cryptkeeper. Many bloggers are probably saying that he's a racist bastard... and he is. Many bloggers are probably saying that he should lose his job... and he should. Many bloggers are probably saying that Imus has no reason being on anyone's radio... and he doesn't. But this should have all been addressed when he did it the first time calling the Rutgers Lady Basketball team "nappy headed hos". Reverend Al Sharpton expressed that he was going to have to think about how to respond to this situation. What else is there to respond to? You responded to the Duke lacrosse team accusations at the drop of a hat. You responded to Imus' last 'insensitive' remarks. Imus's bosses have expressed that they will not let him go, so the only hope is a protest that will drive away station sponsors There is nothing eloquent for me to say here. This racist son-of-a-bitch needs to be placed into the DeeJay's old folks home to let him fade away with respect... then again, between 'nappy headed hos' and his most recent transgresion he does not deserve that respect.

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THE SEVEN WORDS YOU CAN'T SAY IN HEAVEN

George Carlin, the Grammy-Award winning standup comedian and actor who was hailed for his irreverent social commentary, poignant observations of the absurdities of everyday life and language, and groundbreaking routines like “Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television,” died in Santa Monica, Calif., on Sunday, according to his publicist, Jeff Abraham. He was 71.

The cause of death was heart failure. Mr. Carlin, who had a history of heart problems, went into the hospital on Sunday afternoon after complaining of heart trouble. The comedian had worked last weekend at The Orleans in Las Vegas.

Richard Pryor was sitting outside a Starbucks in heaven, when he heard someone behind him say in a matter of fact manner, "Uh, have you seen a tall, black blonde, lady around here?" a famous George Carlin line from the Pryor film, "Car Wash". Upon hearing this, Pryor knowingly turned to find George. Pryor sternly responded, "Motherf****r, I told you not to be hanging around a pool room after dark with a pocket full of money." Carlin responded, "I wish. It was heart failure." Pryor scoffed, "I had three heart attacks before I got here. Ni**a, impress me." They laughed, drank coffee and talked trash the rest of the day.

At least that is what I'd like to think happened, after George Carlin's death was reported today. Carlin was of a generation that didn't conform but made you think and still laugh. There are many, who are fan of the Dane Cooks or Def Jam comedians, who are certainly successful via high profile and money, but they can't touch Carlin talent wise, if you embeded a Carlin box set in their rectums. Ironically, there are a number of comedians today with college degrees or at least a high school diploma, who couldn't craft a joke like Carlin did with his ninth grade education. Yes, ninth grade and he made us think more than a generation of comedians. I believe it is because when Carlin, Pryor, Dick Gregory and Lenny Bruce performed they spoke from a counter culture that wanted to prove the previous generation that they had something intelligent to say, but in a different manner. Today's comedian wants to launch a film career or at least have a sitcom based off their material, so they ride into the sunset on residuals. Now I'm not saying there are no comedians of that ilk out here today, we just have one less with the passing of this comedic legend.

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W.W.S.D.? (WHAT WOULD SHAQ DO?)

I was between takes on the set of my newest adult film, Iron Man: Twisted Steel and Sex Appeal, when I began talking sports with stagehand and IATSE #925 member, Bobby Durban. With the crowning of the Boston Celtics as the 2008 NBA Champions, via a humbling and soul crushing win over the Kobe Bryant-led, Los Angeles Lakers, Bobby posed a deep and profound question to me, "What Would Shaquille Do?" To which I responded without hesitation, "WIN".

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GOOD GUYS CAN FINISH FIRST

Last night, last year's cellar dwelling Boston Celtics reached the peak of the NBA mountain by winning the World Championship in a convincing fashion by demolishing the Los Angeles Lakers 132 to 93. They were led by a trio that individually have have had Hall of Fame careers and together as a trio have had more monikers than Diddy-- or is he Puff Daddy today? That's not important, but celebrating these young men is. Why, do you ask? Because Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett and Finals MVP Paul Pierce have toiled throughout their careers never getting close to the "ring" without complaining. Pierce was the face of the modern day as he rode the Celtics mediocrity train through the hills and valleys-- including a stop, where he was stabbed eight times outside a Boston nightclub. Garnett, who hung onto the Timberwolves team as their franchise face without complaining about the parade of players to help him out-- I only have two words for that situation, "Stephon Marbury". Ray Allen AKA Jesus Shuttlesworth carried the Milwaukee Bucks on his back, only to be traded to the Seattle Supersonics and do the same thing in 'Frasier Town' for a long time without a peep. And as we all know, on the bad end of last night's beatdown was the reigning NBA MVP and Crybaby, Kobe "I Want to Be Jordan So Badly" Bryant. Kobe is the 180 degree opposite of these newly crowned champions, as proven with the "trade me" song he sung to the press prior to the season. But this is not about Kobe, it's about the Celtics and their classy big three, who deservedly won the title last night.

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WHAT A SHAME!

As always we here at the Bastille invite contributors and our most recent, Montgomery Carlo, has some things to say about recently acquitted, R & B singer Robert Kelly aka R. Kelly.

It was no surprise that R. Kelly was acquitted last week. The justice system has repeatedly demonstrated inequities toward, and disregard for the powerless as it has bent over backwards to show favoritism for wealthy and well connected.

The paralyzing sensation I feel is a collage of emotions when reflecting on the crime that Robert Kelly committed. But his crime is only the opening act of a grander more conspiratorial crime that was committed by our Nation's radio stations, T.V. Stations, magazines and other media outlets following Kelly's crime. The media continued to "push" R. Kelly after repeated accusations of R Kelly's never-ending appetite for young girls. This time, though, the accusations weren't delivered via anecdote or hearsay. They were delivered via visual evidence.

However, to no surprise, our justice system ignored the most damning forensic evidence- VISUAL EVIDENCE. This is not a case of a bloody glove, a time line, a DNA sample or a barking dog. This was a case of "Is this guy I see on this video, really the guy I see on this video?" But unlike O.J., R. Kelly has won in the court of public opinion. His records have continued to sell. Ironically, his VIDEOS have sold as well, all despite the overwhelming evidence against R Kelly.

Therein are some compelling questions, that have yet to be asked.

If R. Kelly had urinated on a 13 white girl, would he be free, much less wealthy?

Finally, here is a tougher introspective image for African Americans.

Imagine a celebrity who is loved by all. His career has spanned two decades as he has demonstrated the ability to cross all genres of music. However, there are rumors that this celebrity has a problem. His problem is one that even the most hardened criminals frown upon. Still, he sells hip-hop music at a frenzied pace to fans world wide. He packs coliseums selling out shows around the globe. Then, something happens. The horrible rumors that have swirled around this mega-star are supported by a video of him with a 13 year old inner city girl from Chicago. Some of the sexual acts shown on this tape are objectionable, even for most consenting ADULTS. The video culminates with the hip-hop star urinating on the 13 year old girl. Imagine this. And in the spirit of Matthew McConauhey in the 1990's movie "JUST CAUSE", "Now imagine the mega-star is white".

Would we have witnessed the parade of Sharpton, Jackson and the usual contingent of picket sign carriers singing "We Shall Overcome" or shouting "NO Justice NO Peace"? Would CNN have been outside the courtroom with "earliest results from the racially charged child pornography case and words" from Rev Al, Jesse, and the scores of other corrupt, self-centered, self-indulgent, self-aggrandizing, vain black-preachers and other media appointed leaders-of-the-black-community? Of course!

So I ask, "What is the difference?" A child was sexually abused at the hands of a sexual predator with a reputed history. Yet, we did nothing but enable and therefore facilitate his crimes.

Recently, we witnessed history as Barack Obama was nominated the Democratic Nominee. Our Nation showed that it is evolving- growing up. However, we as African-Americans have once again shown that we may have taken a step backwards.

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AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE BUMP-N-GRIND

“I don’t see nothing wrong, with a little bump-n-grind.”

Lyrics by R & B Crooner and all around nasty motherfucker, R.Kelly.

This just in from the Second City justice system.

A Cook County jury on Friday acquitted R&B superstar R. Kelly of child pornography charges, marking the end of a high-profile trial rich in courtroom drama and celebrity intrigue.
The 41-year-old singer, whose real name is Robert Kelly, long denied charges that he videotaped himself engaging in a variety of sex acts with his then-underage goddaughter. Authorities said the female in the video could have been as young as 13 at the time.
The jury of nine men and three women deliberated for 7 ½ hours before finding Kelly not guilty on all 14 counts.
The verdict ends a bizarre case that had languished for nearly six years. During almost four weeks of testimony, the jury heard about three-person sexual encounters and watched a sex tape in which the male participant is seen urinating on a female.

The prosecution presented 22 witnesses including several childhood friends and four family members, who identified their then 13 year-old young lady. Twenty-two people recognized this perverted man as having sex with this then underage young lady and the cherry on top – urinating on her – let me restate that -- pissing on a little girl. We here at the Bastille hopes he never sells another CD. May he be banished to selling home-burned CD’s on the streets of Chicago out the back of an Escalade. There is not a song in this world – at least I thought so – that should have gotten this bastard off, but obviously it did. I will assume the girl and her family have been paid off. Now that Mr. Kelly is free I assume he will record a CD like Trapped In Closet – forgive me-- a mini-opera. I can see the title now, “Junior High Love”. After this pedo was originally arrested he started wearing masks in public, came out with an album called the Chocolate Factory and started calling himself the Pied Piper of R & B. How much does this man have to dare society to convict him. I’ve spoke on karma before and if there is such a thing, there are going to be five men resembling, mixed-martial artist Kimbo Slice, who are going treat his sphincter like NASA treats the planet Mars – exploring a new frontier in perpetuity.

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MONEY, SCHMUNEY

In a recent interview with Essence Magazine, talk show host/entrepreneur/billionaire, Oprah Winfrey recently revealed her secret to success. And number two was "don't care about money". While I understand her feelings, you can't tell that to people, who are not in your billionaire club AKA almost everyone. I know those, who take the comment out of context, but the woman or man paying strictly interest on a credit card cannot wrap their head around that concept. And those numbers will grow in our ever declining economy. All I'm asking is for Oprah and those, who came from humble beginnings, but now have a lot to recall those humble years before they make statements like Oprah has made. Because we all would like to have your money problems... trust me on that.

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THE HARD WORK OF THE IRISH

“That’s why we play the game. That’s why we play the game.”
Then New York Jets coach, Herm Edwards, to the press after his Jets lost a game in which they were heavily favored to win.

I have returned like a self-entitled conceited, millennial child, who believes his/her feces smells like lavender. Oh, well if that’s the case then just call me Kobe Bryant. For all the NBA fans, retro 80’s fans and possibly pop culture fans, the sacred rivalry of the Boston Celtics and the Los Angeles Lakers has been recently renewed in the 2008 NBA Finals. Now a strange occurrence has come about. In the euphoria of winning the Western Conference Finals for the first since four years (that’s decades in Laker years), the Lakers and their band-wagoning fans forgot that the Celtics want to win championship too. Before the last shred of conference final confetti hit the floor, L.A. sports talk radio pundits and fans began predicting a four game sweep of the Green Machine and “how will GM Mitch two Kupchak keep all the Lakers together after this year's championship.

Well over the two Laker losses in the NBA finals, new questions have arisen, “Would a map help Kobe get into the paint?” and “How can we unload Lamar Odom and Pau Ga-"soft" at season’s end for some Artest/Rasheed type enforcers. The remarkable issue here is for some reason no one expected the Celtics to play like they wanted to hold the Larry O’Brien trophy too. It’s egregious arrogance that has some Laker fans referring to the 2008 edition of the Lakers as a dynasty, trying to erect shrines to one Kobe Bean Bryant and attempting to block off the street to Staples Center for a victory parade without a victory. And yes, you read me correctly, DYNASTY. Bootleg t-shirts have hit the streets of Los Angeles with Jerry West’s, Magic Johnson’s and Kobe’s #24 jerseys celebrating three Laker dynasties. The curious thing about this celebratory tee, is no third dynasty, because Kobe’s Lakers have yet to win a championship (I hate to drive that fact home, but no one seems to get it). A dynasty contains multiple championships won within relatively a close span of time (see, Spurs, Pistons, etc). Fact of the matter is, there was a third Laker dynasty and it 0was during the years 2000 to 2003, when future Hall of Famer, Shaquille O’Neal lead the Lakers to three NBA titles and himself to three Finals MVP trophies. I marvel at how Laker loyalists or bandwagoners (your call) have completely forgotten the 7’2”, 345 pound man who played center for the Lakers and saved this franchise from the dark years (remember Del Harris, Cedric Ceballos era— I thought you could). There is a desperate need by Laker fans to see a Kobe and only Kobe lead the Lakers to another title. Forgive my ignorance, but James Naismith created a sport called basketball in 1891 centered around a concept that the team with the most points at the expiration of time wins the game, not the team with the ego-driven “2” guard, who wants people to say to him “you’re better than Michael Jordan” can only win. Call me crazy, but that definitely seems in conflict with Mr. Naismith’s original idea. In my opinion, all Kobe’s conditions, in which he needs to win are what have the Lakers down in this series now. Hear Kobe’s decree, “I want to win the NBA championship with the Los Angeles Lakers for a fourth time, while leading the team throughout the series in all statistical categories, the media will adoringly refer to the Lakers as “my team” and I will win the MVP trophy and get to speak first and last at the Victory parade, which I will lead in the late model Maserati, which Laker GM Mitch Kupchak will buy me for not leaving the team this past summer. Look, I think you get it—- Kobe’s wants a championship ring and title with conditions. In closing, a junkyard dog that wants steak instead of ground chuck is not as desperate as a junkyard dog, who just wants to eat. And trust me, Kobe, Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce are hungry... and Doc Rivers is taking off the leashes.

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FOR THE SAKE OF ARGUEMENT aka Black People Vote Too

We here at the Bastille welcome all like minds to contribute to our outlet and we have our first contributor, Brazilian expatriate, Mr. Lou Oumo.

Is it me or has the democratic primary gone on way too long? Why is it still going on? OK, beside the fact that news “factories” have nothing else to talk about. There is no real news. So they manufacture news. I’m willing to bet that some sick producer at one of the news “factories” was thanking the News Gods when the horrible events happened in Myramar, China or even the recent diagnosis of Ted Kennedy.

So, why is this thing still going on?

If the black guy were mathematically out of the race and the entitled white woman were winning, would this race still be going on?

Why is she using the “I do better with white blue collar men” argument? Hello entitled white woman! Blue collar white men have overwhelmingly voted republican since the Reagan Era. In November, you won’t win them!

Ok. Ok. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that she is “more electable”. Let’s just say the Super Delegates decide to disregard all pledged delegates and the primary process and decide to snatch the nomination from Barack Obama….

Wait. Before I go on with the “Let’s-just-say” scenario, here are two quick historical tidbits:

1. When John Kerry ran for office and LOST, his most loyal supporters were African Americans. When Al Gore “LOST” (notice the quotations marks) his most loyal supporters were African Americans. When Bill Clinton aka Slick Willie, (Inhale deeply This list is long (pun?) ) ran for office and won in 92 and 96, fought Ken Starr and the “Right Wing Conspiracy”, checked Monica Lewinsky’s tonsils but “did not have sexual relations with that woman”, left forensics on her dress, apologized, was impeached and left office under a shadow of shame, his most loyal supporters were AFRICAN AMERICANS. In fact, he moved his office to the African American “headquarters”- Harlem, of all places. That’s historical tidbit number one.

2. The second historical morsel is quick and very easy to understand. Up until the 1960’s, when JFK and Lyndon Johnson made one of the savviest political moves in generations by pushing the Civil Rights Act and as GOP made one of the biggest political blunders in generations by denouncing the Civil Rights Act, the African American vote had always gone overwhelmingly republican.

Now keep those tidbits in mind.

Where was I? Yes. For the sake of argument, let’s just say that Super Delegate Dems decide to snatch the nomination from Obama after he won more popular votes, won more states, PLAYED BY THE RULES, won more pledged delegates all while inspiring millions of first time voters to participate in the political process and enduring unrelenting scrutiny. The Dems won’t have to worry about the blue collar white male vote. They will have lost the most loyal constituency they have EVER had- African Americans.

Sure. Some African Americans would vote for Clinton. Some would not vote all. Some would write in Obama. Some would even vote for Nader or McCain. But the loyalty would be lost, leaving the GOP with an opening to perhaps add Condie Rice to the Republican ticket. Hmmm.

Yep. The Dems will have self destructed once again. But this time, it wouldn’t be Dukakis in a Bradley Tank. It wouldn’t be John Kerry “voting for it before voting against the war”. It wouldn’t even be forensics on a blue dress.

It would be two acts the Dems have always accused GOP of - HYPOCRISY and DISCLUSION. The 2008 African American is far more educated and sophisticated than the 1968 model. We will not be taken for granted and will definitely not be disregarded.

African Americans will interpret this slap in the face as the Dems saying, “You can vote for us. Raise money for us. But never, ever lead us.” Or in ol’ fashion terms “You can work with me, come to my house some times, but I will never work for you or allow you to date my daughter”

Finally, for the sake of argument, if this were to happen, the irony would be that the Dems would validate many of the views Rev Jeremiah Wright made in his incendiary sermons.

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NO LINKS FOR PRESIDENT CHUCKLEPUSS

Yesterday President Chucklepuss expressed in an interview the sacrifices he is enduring while we are at war with Iraq. His penance was his golf game… you heard right, his golf game. Chucklepuss’ statement was as follows:

"I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf," he said. "I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal."

Bush said he made that decision after the August 2003 bombing of the United Nations headquarters in Baghdad, which killed Sergio Vieira de Mello, the top U.N. official in Iraq and the organization's high commissioner for human rights. "I remember when de Mello, who was at the U.N., got killed in Baghdad as a result of these murderers taking this good man's life," he said. "I was playing golf -- I think I was in central Texas -- and they pulled me off the golf course and I said, 'It's just not worth it anymore to do.'"

Yes, the ALLEGED, “self-righteous, Crawford, Texas, brush moving, ex-cocaine snorting, oil company running into the ground, Samy Sosa trading, voted in by the Supreme Court” so-called president has equated not playing the “elitist” game of golf to the sacrifice that one of the over four thousand families have suffered via loved ones killed in Iraq due to his Coalition of the Willing, who was FORCED into battle under the direction of his WMD lie. Why has this man not been brought before congress for crimes of stupidity. I cannot understand for the lie of me, why there is 29 percent of the country that still believes this man is doing a good job. His corporate supported, arrogance is palpable and a disgrace at best. I can only say this, if the notions of karma and hell are real, there is a thousand acre ranch there and the only plow mule is named Chucklepuss aka George W.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

YOU AINT GOTTA GO BUT YOU GOT TO GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE

I have worked as an entertainment entrance liaison or it’s more familiar term, a bouncer. I have worked at upscale nightclubs and hole-in-the-wall joints and a few things I have found to be consistent. There is always going to be people, who have to be asked to go or forced to go. person usually feels they can drop a name associated with the establishment or just plain has had too much to drink. Democratic—- dare I say, former Democratic Presidential nominee, Hillary “Do You Know Who I Am?” Clinton. It’s the type of person, I’d politely say something to once or twice, hoping that they get the idea by noticing the bar-backs wiping off tables or the waitresses counting their tips or the fact that the light is on and large black men—I mean bouncers are saying, “Good night, thanks for coming.” You know, the obvious signs. As in the case of this Democratic Primary, where when your opponents has more votes than you in certain categories. Early on, Mrs. Clinton lead in Superdelegates, who are the basis of how she was going to win the party’s nomination. It has in recent days, been overtaken by Senator Obama, who also leads her in the popular vote and pledged delegates. The only category Mrs. Clinton actually leads in is Presidential Nominees with a uterus and the ability to give birth. I say this to express my fondest wishes to Mrs. Clinton is her future endeavors, because this is race is over. Lying to people in upcoming state primaries by saying, “things are about to turn” and spending Chelsea’s inheritance on this exercise in futility make her look like the guy at the bar, who has been drinking all night and feels because of that fact he is entitled to stay as long as he desires, despite establishment employees being ready to go home. That drunkard is looking to pick a fight with the first person, that speaks to them, so they can interpret it as an attack on their person and lash out. Long story short, Hilary has been drinking shots of Johnnie Walker Blue all night, Super Tuesday was last call for alcohol, Pennsylvania was the lights being turned on and a friendly ‘good night’. North Carolina was the polite “ma am, we’re closing” as the chairs are placed on tables. Oregon is going to be, when the bouncers say, “Ma am, you’ve got to go somewhere other than here or we will forcibly take you out”. Hillary please leave the nightclub before the goons have to help you leave.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

SEGREGATION NOW, SEGREGATION TOMORROW, SEGREGATION FOREVER

Those were the words uttered by former Alabama Governor and segregationist supporter, George Wallace when he opposed the integrating of the schools in his state. I’m afraid that if this Democratic presidential nomination race continues, the words may be repeated by one, Hillary Clinton. In the wake of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries, it is becoming clear that she is not favored to win at all. In what seems to be the desperate acts of a true loser, she has resorted to begging, lying and race-baiting. In her post Indiana primary speech she lied by saying she was winning the race, she then begged people to give her more money to ‘get to the White House’ and she race-baited by making a very disparaging remark to USA Today. She told the newspaper that she was the favored candidate of “hardworking Americans, hardworking, white Americans” and that her black, opponent, Barack Obama “just can’t cut it with that crowd”. This statement strongly implies (if not states), that white people are hard working and black people are not (and I’ll assume lazy SOB’s). It also seriously implies blue-collar white people will just not vote for Obama and that a white person’s vote is worth more than a black person’s vote. This is quite amazing, being that the black vote played an extremely, significant, role in her husband Bill becoming president in 1992 and 1996. ]It is thought that if the black vote had showed up in larger numbers in 2004, John Kerry would be president today instead of old, Chucklepuss.

One of Mrs. Clinton biggest problems (in addition to resorting to the Southern strategies of the past of playing on race) that placed her in this position was that she really took her “hardworking white Americans” for granted as being stupid (as exampled with her aping John McCain’s ‘summer gas tax’ with it’s $30 savings). She also took the black voters for granted, by thinking she could gain their vote by attending a few black church services and Photoshop Maya Angelou into a campaign commercial. This is the equivalent of trying to lure black people into a voting booth with fried chicken, watermelon and screw-top wine. And yes there are those black people, who support Hillary, but at this point after weeks of playing the race card, if you still are supporting her low-ball tactics, you are border-lining on having Stockholm Syndrome, “Miss Hillary sho’ am good to us”. We forget that Hillary was a Republican before she met Bill and I think under extreme amounts of pressure a person can have their true self-exposed. Hillary is unconsciously showing her true self to the public, with her race politics, which is a sad expose’ on the first true female presidential nominee. Many black people did not vote for her and to say the least, Hillary and Bill have been floored by this phenomenon, much like the slave-owners, who were shocked that their slaves left them, after the Emancipation Proclamation was signed. I can see Miss Clinton on the plantation steps, talking to Massa Clinton now, “Bill, didn’t we treat them good? We put black people in jobs, we made the economy better for not only white people, we went to church with them and all we asked them was to blindly give me their vote off what you—I mean we did in the White House. I just don’t get it. Now they expect us to solicit their vote. They’re crazy.” Her statement was so inane that New York representative Charles Rangel, who is black and been an unapologetic Hillary supporter, said, “I can’t believe that Senator Clinton would say anything that dumb.” Senator Clinton has used this venomous rhetoric in the vein of Nixon, Wallace and anyone working towards achieving the Republican agenda. Hillary is shameless and every day she doesn’t go off into the sunset, she looks like a delusional, sore loser and the hallowed Clinton political named is besmirched like Mike Tyson’s name, if there is anything else left to besmirch (please don’t ever read this blog entry Mike).

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

FOUR RACE CARDS AND A PASTOR

"You know he's black".

Today the 2008, Indiana and North Carolina primaries will be decided between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton and one thing has been as sure as death and taxes. Race has played a part in this campaign and been used like slim-jim on a car sitting alone on the 4th floor of parking garage. Early on here at the Bastille, we felt that we would be lucky to have Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama as a presidential nominee, but with time Hillary bared her "racial" claws and dug deep into Obama, like a cat trapped in a corner. As has the mainstream media and I’m not just talking about FOX News.

Throughout Hillary’s campaign, the issue of race has floated just under the surface of a frozen sea of prejudice, like a seal or penguin looking for a break in the ice. Sadly, that break has never been found and Obama has been steadily bumping his head into the frozen blocks of ice called, “Reverend Wright”, “elect-ability and “he can’t pull white voters”. Never in my life would I believe that a political candidate would be so beholden to words by his pastor. But then again Obama is the candidate -- forgive me THE BLACK CANDIDATE, which is the big difference. Barack Obama was an afterthought to candidates John McCain and Hillary Clinton months ago. He was such a novelty on the political landscape, that Hillary Clinton felt counting the states of Florida and Michigan were not worth her time. She even signed a paper to officially discount those votes. After Obama had a run of winning 11 straight states in primaries she felt it was important that “these states and their voters be counted”, but it was too late (the DNC’s words, not mine... so far). At this point, the Republican party and it’s presumptive candidate, John McCain started floating the “elitist” title into the public ear and onto Obama’s flagless lapels. I think McCain chose that route because calling him a ni***r outright might be misconstrued by him as well as Hillary, who wields the word “elitist” like a Jedi and his light saber.

Obama, a former child user of foodstamps, is the biracial son born to a single white woman from Kansas and a Nigerian man, whom Barack has only has met once in his life. Hillary, a Wesleyan graduate, and her husband have made 109 million dollars over the past ten years. John McCain is married to a beer heiress and owns eight homes, but the black guy, from the broken home, is the “elitist” looking down on people. I don’t want to call them racist, but I think the utter shock of trailing a black man in this presidential race had them truly aghast and ready to do anything to keep this ‘perfect negro’ from their precious presidency. Media pundits have been stating that Bill Clinton has hit his stride by campaigning for votes in small, rural towns in North Carolina (see “all-white” & "redneck").

Barack Obama has run such clean and strong campaign that his opponents have had to resort to "kitchen sink" tatics (which is code for 'whatever it takes') and in this case, it means reminds the voters in clandentstine ways that Barack Obama is still black. That is done by communicating to rural voters, who have little contact with people of color, set him off from her by calling him "elitist" and drinking a beer. This Sunday, Obama appeared on Meet The Press with Tim Russert, who questioned him on the Reverend Wright subject for the first fifteen minutes, but all week Russert asked people on MSNBC, “when is the Wright situation going to go away?” I find it ironic that Russert continued the discussion instead of asking Mr. Obama about his policies. I wouldn’t be so upset about the “Reverend Wright” situation, if the pundits would ask Hillary Clinton about her former pastor, Rev. William Procanick, who was sentenced to three years in prison on Friday, for inappropriately touching a 7 year old child. Or how about asking John McCain to explain his steady welcoming the endorsement of the righteous, Rev. John Hagee, who said that Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans because they were hosting a gay parade (that is held annually). Or Hagee’s opinion that Catholicism is a whore religion and that teachers letting children read Harry Potter are promoting wichcraft. Again McCain has restated twice in recent weeks that he happily accepts this bizarre man’s endorsement. Even after denouncing Jeremiah Wright, if Wright were accused of pulling an “R. Kelly” on a 7 year old child or denouncing Catholicism, Obama 0-8 would be, oh so over. He would be raked over the coals worse than he already has been (if that’s possible). It has gotten so bad for Hillary and McCain that have resolved to flat out saying things like “he’s not like us”. Oh what could they mean by that remark? The scales are so tipped into Clinton and McCain’s favor that even the majority of mainstream media can’t recognize that they have fallen into the racial trap of steadily questioning “can he get the working white class vote”. Why is no one asking if Hillary can get the black vote? With about ten hours until the polls close I hear political pundits on TV saying they’re “still waiting for the Jeremiah Wright boot to drop”, since Wright hasn’t responded to Obama’s “divorcing” from him. How despondent are some members of mainstream media to wait for Obama, who holds the race lead to wait for the man he has formally denounced to speak again? There are like vultures awaiting the death of a thirsty animal crossing the desert.

We’ve been told numerous times that is mathematically impossible for Obama to lose this race and that Hillary has to win 66% of the vote in the remaining states to stay close. Yet, Hillary and her people keep twisting words like Lindsay Lohan’s publicist to make the public believe she still is in this thing. How can she do that? Because she believes that if she has a shot of something and a beer she magically becomes a non-educated, Gran Torino driving, white voter. And with that she implies to some voters through her thinly veiled veneer, “You know he’s black”. She has portrayed herself as a "fighter for the American people", but she has taken advantage of that stance and played on the ignorance of some non-black voters, who would easily react negatively, if Barack responded as a "fighter" as so many white pundits have requested him to do. Barack Obama knows the last thing some middle American or rural white mother needs to see is a man named Barack going off a sixty year old white woman. When it’s all said and done Obama is black, no matter how hard he has tried to get past it. He is reminded of it daily in what should be a very historic presidential race… if only Hillary would let it be that.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!

BLACK RACE CAN’T AFFORD YOU NO MORE 3

Pastor Jeremiah "Pulpit Pimp" Wright is in the news again, hogging the spotlight and playing into every black preacher stereotype we could think. He recently emerged to do defend himself in an interview with Bill Moyers. In the interview, he said "I am a pastor and Barack said what he said because he was a politician". Now most intelligent people can see that he doesn't speak for Barack Obama, but most simple mother******s will think Wright is implying that Barack just said that Philly speech for the public, but he's still with me. To top it off Wright went on to speak before the National Press Club in Washington, DC and the NAACP in Detroit. This fool is going on a speaking tour. To be honest this should not really be an issue after Obama denounced Wright political views, but it won't because Obama is two steps away from the highest office in the land and those people in the mainstream, who want to keep that streak at 44 white people in a row, will take any edge that they can.

I could have excused the Bill Moyers interview to be quite honest, because he let people see he was more than a YouTube clip. But Mr. Fire & Brimstone went before the National Press Club talking about the "dozens" and how "you don't talk about my mama" AKA "showing his ass". If Wright had responded immediately to the first accusations against his character, I could understand his speaking, because a person has the right to defend himself. This sorry, calculating, excuse of a man decided to do this at a critical juncture in Obama's campaign. Wright is no better than Jackson or Sharpton, who show up when the "live shot" camera lights turn on. Wright even had the nerve to say to the NAACP, that "I'm still going to be a pastor in November and January" and these are when the Presidential election and Inagurations, respectively, take place. Wright could've waited until this all was over and he decided on now-- out of the blue was best. The Pulpit Pimp is an ass**** and if Obama by snowball's chance in hell were to lose this nomination (that is mathematically impossible right now) Wright's reputation will be SH** at best and he would be the most hated Black man in America. Whatever good he has done in his 60 some odd years would be obliterated by his actions now. When Barack Obama takes office he should ask Wright to swear him in and then have the Secret Service take his ass away right before the ceremony--- to an undisclosed location. So Pulpit Pimp I invite you into the green room for a syrup sandwich, hush puppies and moonshine for the black race can't afford your sorry, selfish ass no more, for your actions could literally hold back the black race.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!