HE TOOTS, HE TOKES, WHAT DOESN'T "DAYS INN" DAVE DO?

Newly appointed New York Governor David “Days Inn” Paterson (who could now be called "Dimebag") Dave felt he had some more purging to do. Paterson admitted during an interview with a New York television station that he tried cocaine "a couple of times" and marijuana "probably when I was about 20. I don't think I've touched marijuana since the late 70s.”. He also said, “His revelations have not hurt his popularity either. In a Siena Institute Poll released Monday, the institute found that 58 percent of polled voters view Paterson favorably, compared with 10 percent who see the new governor unfavorably.

David is an open book. I mean he can’t stop himself. He wants his people to know, “look here. I had some fun in my day and y’all need to know what’s up, so I govern without any hassle”. I have partied in my past, with no regrets and recall using the words. “man, it’s not like I’m ever running for public office”. I can just imagine Dave circa 1975 with a coke spoon and dimebag in hand. His college friend stops him and says to him, “Dave, you’re going to be running for public office un the future. You’re not going to be able to explain this one to the people.” Dave responds, “Aw man, nobody’s going to care about Blind Pimping Dave. I’m just going to be the lietenant governor. I’m going to float under the radar, baby. It’s not like the governor is going to get caught buying a** from some $4000 hooker and I’m going to have to take office.”

I’m thinking Dave’s whole method of operation is to purge himself and clean his skeleton closet so much, that the public becomes numb to Dave’s indiscretions. I mean what’s next in the Dave Paterson Skeleton parade? Our crack research team here at Diablo’s Bastille spoke with Governor Paterson and he released the list of following indiscretions that he feels the public should be privy to:

* Stole 153 paper reams as Harlem representative in the New York state senate
* Lost money on dog’s from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels
* Stole and sold uncooked chicken in Times Square, while employed as a team member of the Popeye’s Fried Chicken corporation
* Claims he “saw” the film “Iron Eagles” 19 times in a row after sneaking into a theater (all this was done at the age of 42)
* Facilitated a religion for 2 years called “Davidism” to help pay for law school
* Accidentally banged a sheep at the age of 12 on a trip to visit relatives in Mississippi
* Won money dog’s from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels
* Shot a man once to “watch” him bleed
* Literally took candy (Snickers Bar) from a baby
* Assisted in ‘putting down” dogs from Michael Vick’s Bad Newz Kennels with a fungo bat, a Phillips head screwdriver and a batch of spoiled mustard greens
*Slept with the late Esther Rolle

I for one feel cleansed now knowing that all the cards have been placed on the table, so Dave can govern the state of New York in peace. With the number of public figures recently being caught or indicted for discretions while in office I guess it is best. So this is it, at least I hope it is.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!