BLACK RACE CAN’T AFFORD YOU NO MORE 2

See, the Black race can't afford you no more. There used to be a time, we'd see someone like you singin', clownin', yassuh-bossin'... and we wouldn't do anything. Folks liked that. You were good. Homey kind of *beep* When they needed somebody to mistreat, call a name or two, they paraded you.Reminded them of the good old days. Not no more. The day of the Geechee is gone, boy. And you're going with it.

Master Sergeant Vernon Waters from the film A Solider’s Story

Did I not say we, here at the Bastille, would sadly return to this subject again? What subject is that? Two new inductees will enter The Black Race Can’t Afford You No More Hall of Fame. The inaugural honoree, Bob “Ni**a Jim” Johnson will be joined by two Negroes, who are transcending “shameless” and taking it the next level. The honorees are Claude Brooks and Darryl Quarles, the creators of the My Network, sitcom (in time use only), “Under One Roof”.

It’s an odd-couple influenced story of ex-con, Calvester Hill (played by former Public Enemy hype man and VH-1’s top reality TV star, Flavor Flav), who moves in with Winston, his wealthy, conservative brother, who feels he owes Calvester for taking blame for the car accident that got him placed in jail (at least that’s what the lyrics in title song said). I will first say that this show, in our opinion here at the Bastille, is running a strong second to the Middle Passage for setting back the progress of black people. Calvester dresses like something out of the KKK’s Grand Wizard’s imagination, with neon colored clothing, cheetah print pajamas and a medallion, the size of a manhole cover reading “Cali Cal”. Winston is a conservative black man in the vein of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air’s Carlton or The Jamie Foxx Show’s Braxton. Winston’s Caucasian wife is a materialistic blue blood, who forever gives the air that she’s looking down on all, who cross he path. Their children are such Carlton and Hillary Banks knockoffs that Alfonso Riberio and Karyn Parsons (of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air fame) should send get portions of their checks. The housekeeper Su Ho sets back Asian images in media so badly, I’m wondering if the Japanese are going to buy America as they did in the 80’s or just bomb Pearl Harbor again. She speaks in broken English that is only worthy of a Jonny Quest episode. She wears a housecoat that I assume was left over wardrobe from Charlie Chan movie and I expect a gong to be hit every time she speaks. The pilot episode is based on a comedy staple “prison love” or “prison rape” (you choose). Calvester’s old cellmate played by Tiny “Zeus” Lister from the FRIDAY film franchise (yes, that would be Deebo) has been released from prison and is cashing in on a promise that he could stay with Cali Cal, when got out. He shows up to the dismay and shock of Cali Cal, Winston and all involved. This is a tried, true and even worn out premise in the sitcom world, but when Tiny utters the term “boo”, it strongly implies that he and Calvester’s relationship was more of a “protection for ass” barter. His feelings are confirmed, when Calvester is about settle in for a night’s sleep (in his cheetah print pajamas), when Barry White esqe music plays and Cali Cal’s ex-cellmate is in his bed waiting to cuddle with him. Cali Cal is not feeling this (surprise, surprise). The show then turns into a farce, when Cali Cal fakes his death and they have to havea funeral (in Winston's home, no less) for Cali Cal’s cellmate to leave their home. The funeral was a parade of baby’s mamas, parole officers, Steve Harvey suit wearing children and mourners. I could speak about the thespians, but honestly, I can't blame the actors for these characterizations because they just want to work and with reality genre cannibalizing television and a looming actor's strike, you take the gig, when you get it. I can only blame the creators, Claude “I Know Better” Brooks and Darryl “Auction Block” Quarles.

Brooks in his early life was a child actor having worked on films and TV show ranging from “The Wiz”, “The Cosby Show” and one of the first sitcoms on FOX called “True Colors”. True Colors was a short-lived close to honest look at interracial marriage and how their families meshed. I say all that to impress that Brooks knows what good television can be. For what it’s worth, Brooks has even produced shows for TV like “The Lyricist Lounge”, a hip-hop sketch show for MTV and “Second Time Around, a short lived romantic comedy, starring Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker, for UPN. Brooks has even produced a children’s show called “Hip Hop Harry” on The Discovery Channel. So to say the least, he’s been a part of making good television. Now as far as his opus “Under One Roof”, Brooks says, "It's all about the big laughs and we're equal opportunity offenders." Well, I think it's easy to say that this show has offended the prison rape victim demographic as well as humans in general.

Quarles on the other hand, is a movie and TV screenwriter (in title only), who has scribed financial hits like “Big Momma’s House” 1 & 2 and another Martin Lawrence vehicle titled, “Black Knight”. What disturbs me about Quarles is his production company’s card. His company’s name is Qtopia Entertainment and the company's card shown in the end credits appears and a man’s voice says, “Who cares? Pay me”. Who cares? Pay me. This show’s pilot episode, based on a newly released prisoner trying to resume his prison romance, was shameless enough, but then for your company to actually express the idea that you don't care about the content, as long as you get paid, makes it worse. Brooks and Quarles said they did not expect their new comedy to be controversial, despite the presence of Flavor Flav, who has come under fire for his outrageous antics on his VH1 show “Flavor of Love” due to his what some call perpetuating negative cultural stereotypes. As far as Flavor Flav, his wheelhouse seems limited to court jester, deadbeat dad or drug addict. Since court jester seems to be the best way Flavor can make his child support payments without harming himself or others, I want to believe our two newest inductees could have at least tried to couch Flav’s antics in something close to respectable. Now offensive, pushing the envelope, humor has been existed for years, but the HUMOR had to be present to cloak the offensive part. What these two have created is just offensive. If it were 1960 and these two men were the first black people to ever be given control of TV show about black people, I might (and it’s a big MIGHT) excuse these 21st century overseers for creating this televised bullwhip. But it’s 2008, we are on the verge of what might be the first black American president and I heard that slavery had been abolished and black people were granted civil rights. So to our newest inductees please join Bob Johnson in the green room for fatback sandwiches and sweet tea.

Now follow me! Follow me to freedom!